FMA Talk Show
by CrimsonFlarez
Summary: Characters from FMA are invited to a talk show! Filled with stupid and crazy questions! Find out more here!
1. Episode 1

**First Episode - Edward Elric**

**Actually, I've posted this story before. But there was a teaechnical problem and it ended up getting earsed. I'm so sorry! As a sign od my apology, I'll also post the 2nd chap!**

**Disclaimer : I don't own FMA or any of tis characters. **

* * *

Crimson : welcome everyone! To the first ever FMA Talk Show! I, Crimson Flarez shall be your host for tonight!

Audience : woohooo!

Crimson : now! Let's begin! In front of your seat is a screen with 5 pictures of our nomination. All you have to do is press the picture of your favorite character. The one with most votes will be called! Alright! 1 minute everyone!

Audience : *chatter chatter*

~1 minute later~

Crimson : alright, looks like everyone has voted. *stares at ipad* ooh? *giggles* who is our lucky guy?!

*a portal appears above the sofa. A male figure with blond hair crashed on the sofa*

Crimson : well well well... How are you tonight Ed?

Ed fans : GYAAHHH IT'S EDWARD!

Ed : *rubs head* huh? *look around and found eyes staring at him* what the- where the h311 am I?! *sees a crowd of girls cheering at him* wh-what..?

Crimson : calm down, Ed. And they... Are you fans.

Ed : I have fans?

Crimson : lots of them worldwide. Anything you wanna say to them?

Ed : uh.. Hi?

Fan 1 : HI! Did you see he that? He just said hi to me!

Fan 2 : no, he said hi to me!

Fan 3 : no, to me!

Fan 4 : meeee!

Fan 5 : ED IS MINE!

Fans : *fights over Ed*

Ed : *sweatdrops and turns to Crimson* you haven't answered my question.

Crimson : right. Ed, welcome to FMA talk show!

Ed : show?

Crimson : this is a talk show. Now sit down and let's start quickly. People all over the world is watching you right now, y'know...

Ed : I don't have time for this! *walks to the exit , but hit his head on something hard* what..?

Crimson : i put a barier all over the building, in case you wanna escape, which is what you are doing right now.

Ed : well if i can't find one, I'll make one! *claps hand and press them on the floor. Nothing happens* eh?

Crimson : this place is alchemy-free. You can't use it. You will have to stay here until the show is finish.

Ed : what?! But Al! He's fighting Scar alone!

Crimson : him? Don't worry I've sent someone there, to help him out.

~where Al is~

Al : brother where are you?!

*a brick wall suddenly collapses. A muscular figure emerges*

Al : Major?

Armstrong : do not fear Alphones! I, major Alex Louis Armstrong shall assist you on capturing Scar! *rips his clothes off and shows his muscles*

Al : *freaks out*

~back to the studio~

Ed : over all of the people in the military, you sent him?!

Crimson : what's wrong? I'm sure he's capable of handling him.

Ed : Al... Don't leave me in this cruel world...

Crimson : Uh... I'll take that as 'okay I'll stay and answer all of your questions till the show's finished'

Ed : *glares at Crimson* I. Hate. You.

Crimson : I love you too. Now. Let's start with a simple question. Hmm... *shuffles papers* boring... Obvious... Ah! This one's interesting. *clicks something in ipad*

*screen shows of Ed smaller version and big version*

Ed : wh-what is this?

Crimson : according to fma wiki, at the start of the episode your height is only... 149 cm! Man I didn't know this before! I didn't know you were this sho-

Ed : WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE HAS AN AMOEBA AS A FRIEND?!

Crimson : you mean small?

Ed : IT'S THE SAME!

Crimson : *giggles* control your temper fullmetal. The whole world is watching you.

Ed : *glares*

Crimson : alright, back to business. This is you at the age of 15. This is... *points at the picture in the right* you at the age of 16. So how did you grow that fast? Care to explain?

Ed : HA! So I WILL become tall! Just you wait suckers! 1 more year! *laugh like a scientist freak*

Crimson : *sweatdrops* you haven't amswered my question yet.

Ed : hmm? Well how am I suppose to know? I'm still sho-...

Crimson : ...

Ed : ssssh-ssho-shorrr-short... *grabs head and goes depressed*

Crimson : er.. Right...

Ed : oh! I know! Because I excercise daily!

Crimson : you excercise?

Ed : of course! Kicking those homunculus' butts everyday trains my muscles and bones!

Crimson : you have a point... Any advice for short people?

Ed : *stands up and points to the audience*

Crimson : *press ipad*

*giant screen turns on. Then a chibi Ed appears with a writing on top of it. "Dr. Edward Elric says..."*

Ed : KICK 1 HOMUNCULUS' BUTT A DAY TO GET TALLER!

Audience : oooohhh! *claps there hands*

Crimson : niccceeeee... Short people are already inspirated by their hero! So Ed... Did you know there have been some rumors about you?

Ed : what rumors?

Crimson : well it says here that you have a special relationship with Colonel Mustang and Envy.

Ed : rela-? Relationship? What kind- *eyes widen* I AM NOT GAY! ESPECIALLY WITH THAT COLONEL! AND WITH THAT PALM TREE!? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Crimson : really? I though these rumors are true.

ED : OF COURSE THEY'RE NOT!

Crimson : really? Then prove it. Who do you like Edward?

Ed : GLADLY! I LIKE- *stops abruptly*

Crimson : you like...?

Ed : *narrows eyes* you sneaky little host... I know what you're trying to do! YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY THIS GAME WITH ME HOST!

Crimson : *smirk and and puts innocent eyes* I'm only asking, Ed. I'm not plotting anything.

Ed : like I'm gonna believe you. You ain't tricking me host. Never.

Crimson : Well since they are no proof, you ARE gay then.

Ed : I AM NOT!

Crimson : then proof it

Ed : GGYYAAAHHH! *grabs head and smack it on the table*

Crimson : *giggles* So Ed... You hate Mustang, right?

Ed : *mood changes abruptly* with all my heart.

Crimson : so why do you want to be under his commands? Can't you move to someone else's commands?

Ed : good question... Now that I think about it... Why didn't I? *smirk* I'm gonna be free from that colonel and his stupid missions! *cheers*

Crimson : stupid missions? What sort of?

Ed : oh where do I start?! There's like a mountain of 'em!

Crimson : I got time.

Ed : hmm... Well there was this time when...

~flashback~

"Remind me to kick that colonel's butt when we get back" Ed muttered angrily.

"Brother..." Al said, trying to calm his brother down when he heard footsteps coming from outside. Ed quickly put his finger on his mouth, telling his brother to be quiet. A man then opened the tent he was in.

"You ready, clownboy?" He asked. Ed's mood changed abruptly and he forced himself to smile.

"Ready as ever!"

"Good. You're up in 1 minute," with that the man left. Ed frowned at the man's words. He was told to act. As a clown. In front of public. This was his dignity they were talking about.

"And now, let's welcome our favorite one and only clown!" He heard the ringmaster said.

"Brother, that's your cue!" Al said.

"Yeah yeah.." Ed said as he grabbed a super small tricycle.

"Brother, your red nose!" Al reminded,

Ed hesitated, then he stuffed his hand unto his pants' pocket, pulling a big round red nose. "I was hoping I'd get away," Ed grumbled. He plucked the nose onto bis face and rode the tricylce out.

Once the ringmaster saw him, he pointed his hand to Ed, causing all eyes to watch him. Ed started to become nervous. But he kept his mission in his mind. He just needed to find the group of terorist and stop them, without causing chaos.

'Mustang said there are three of them... If I were them, what would I do...' He thought.

'First, I would be alone, separate from the other members. And I would keep watching the ringmaster...' Ed thought. He smirk when he spotted a bulky man glaring at the ringmaster instead of him. He sat on the highest row, making him almost invisible in the crowd. He frowned. There was only one, and he was far away. Where were the others then? And how could he get him? He could stop one but he couldn't stop the others. He needed a plan, fast.

He then stood on his tricylce and did a somersault, causing the crowd to clap their hands. He glanced back at the tent, finding his brother peeking. Ed nodded, indicating that he had found one, and he would give a clue.

Another clown gave a long wooden pole to him, with a bucket on top. Ed pretended he couldn't hold on to the pole and clumsily walk to where the man sit. Once he reached the man's column, he let the pole bucket fell. People who were near started to scream but quickly laughed when Ed grabbed on to the pole in the last minute. If it weren't for the string that attached it with the pole, it would have fallen on the man's head. Yes, it was just a prank.

He turned to face the crowd again, trying to find another one. He spotted another man, sitting on the lowest row. The man turned to him when he realized he was being watched. Ed quickly turn around to avoid being caught. An idea then struck his head. He ran to the ringmaster, and snatched his hat away. The crowd started to laugh as the ring master searched his missing hat. When he saw Ed wearing it, he laughed eventhough deep down he was annoyed.

"I need a volunteer!" Ed shouted. People of all ages raised their hands. Some even yelled to get his attention. though, Ed already chose his special guy.

"What about you, sir!" Ed said with a smirk. Other clowns walked to the man and ushered him to follow them. The man refused, but the clowns kept insiting.

"Get me a small tent," Ed whispered to one of the clowns. The clown left and returned with a few more people. The put on the tent and pushed the man in. Ed did some minor calculations, clapped his hands and slip them under the tent. There was a scream before Ed pulled the tent, revealing nothing but dust. Crowd cheered and Ed saluted in return.

Al covered the man's mouth so that he wouldn't attract attention. He then hit the man's head with his hand so that he would collapse. He dragged the body out of the tunnel and tied him with a rope. Then, he peeked again from the tent.

His brother's hands moved oddly. It took a moment before Al realized that his brother was sending him a message. It was a sign language he and Al invented. In case things like this would happen.

"Catch guy highest row my cue. Catch guy highest row my cue."

Al leaped silently to the the seats. Ed pulled the tent open, revealing a statue of the ringmaster devouring a cake. The crowd laughed and cheered at the same time. And when they were busy, Al covered the man's mouth and pulled him back. He struggled hard, but Al managed to restrain him.

As Ed noticed that Al had done his job, Ed saluted to the crowd and rushed back to the tent. He met up with Al.

"Job's done!" Ed cheered as he threw his rainbow colored afro to Al.

"Brother, I thought there are three of them,"

"Oh the other clowns are taking care of him," Ed said, wiping his face hoping the make up would be gone.

"And I thought you were supposed to be a clown. Now you're a magician,"

"I don't care. As long as I did my job, and I still LOOK like a clown, then it's okay,"

Al shook his head and sighed. He got a point, but not very pleasant.

"So what are we going to do with these two?" Al asked.

"I don't know. Give them to the ringmaster?"

"Okay then..."

"Wait Al... Don't give them back yet,"

"Why?"

Am evil grin crossed his face. "They made me go through this trouble... Now they will pay,"

Crimson : you? Wear a clown costume? With big red nose and rainbow afro? That's... Oh my God... *burst into laughter*

Ed : *becomes irritated*

Crimson : so *chuckles* what did you mean by 'the clowns are taking care of him'

Ed : well I told them to get him into the field, take his weapon... Whatever it was... And... Play with him.

Crimson : and the other two?

Ed : *smirks* I dressed them up as clowns... And with Al's rope, I attached them to the flag pole in front of the circus... As a parting gift for the ringmaster.

Crimson : that's just so like you...

Ed : of course! hey, host.

Crimson : hmm?

Ed : you got some drink here? I'm thirsty.

Crimson : of course! *snaps a finger*

*a bottle with white liquid appears in fron of hands*

Ed : this is... I ain't drinking this thing!

Crimson : what? It's just milk...

Ed : I HATE MILK!

Crimson : but according to researches, milk is good for your both bones. For children, it's good for growing. And since you are, drinking milk helps you gain height faster.

Ed : I DON't CARE! I AM NOT DRINKING THAT OPAQUE LIQUID!

Crimson : why? Milk is delicious you know. *points to the audience*

Audience : *holds up their bottles of milk* drink your milk Ed...!

Ed : N-NO! NEVER!

Crimson : oh come on! It tastes good! *gulps down milk*

Ed : NO!

Crimson : or maybe you want to drink the other flavours. We got choclate, strawberry, vanilla and even tea!

Ed : *bottles of milk with different flavours appear in front of him* what is this place some kind dairy?!

Crimson : well actually there's a dairy right beside the studio. Me and the staffs usually buy milk from there.

Ed : *stares at Crimson with an increduous look* Listen, I don't want to drink milk. Just give me water.

Crimson : I'm sorry but we ran out of it a few seconds ago.

Ed : well as a guest here, I order your staff to go buy me some!

Crimson : well, Ed. The nearest store that sells water here is at the outskirts of town. It will take at least 45 minutes to go there. Another one to get back. And the show will be ober in less than 20 minutes.

Ed : *mouth's wide open* I SWEAR YOU ARE ALL MILK ADDICT! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Crimson : not until the show is finished, Ed.

Ed : THEN I'LL FORCE MY WAY OUTTA HERE! *throws sofa to the barrier. Barrier breaks* HA! I'M FREE! SEE YA YOU MILK FREAKS!

Crimson : initiating escape plan *press buttons*

*darts with a liquid inside it starts to appear*

Ed : HEY! *jumps to avoid darts* HA! You missed!

Crimson : uh no I didn't.

Ed : whaddya mean? *looks behind him and sees a dart sticking on his leg* Curse you host... *falls on the floor*

Crimson : wow morphine does work. *snaps finger. Staffs appear, fixing the sofa and carries Ed. Puts Ed on the sofa* So, Ed..

Ed : mmmmpphh?

Crimson : how do you feel?

Ed : hmm? K-kinda wobbly.. Everything spins... hehehehe...

Crimson : (morphine works pretty fast) So Ed... What do you think of Winry?

Ed : who...?

Crimson : Winry Rockbell? Blond hair and the one who makes your automail?

Ed : Winry?... Oh her... She's scary when... When she's angry... I can see those wrenches flying at me again... heheheh... Owww! Do you wanna kill me, Winry?!

Crimson : er... Okay... *whispers to the staff* how much did you give it to him?

Staff : *raises shoulder*

Ed :but...

Crimson : *turns attention back to Ed*

Ed : she's... Kind... No matter how many... Times I break my automail... She always fixes it... *frowns* in exchange of my bleeding head...

Crimson : okay... How bout her looks? Is She pretty?

Ed : whose?

Crimson : Winry's... Winry's look.

Ed : Winry's... Pretty. Especially when she's not in her jumpsuit... She looks more girly... Girly... Girly..

Crimson : girly what? When?

Ed : when she's in her tank top and skirt... And... and.. and.. *goes to sleep and snores*

Crimson : *pokes Ed with a super long stick*

Ed : wha- huh?

Crimson : and what?

Ed : what?

Crimson. : you were going to say something before you went to sleep..

Ed : oh! Wait... Uh... Yes.. Her hair..

Crimson : what's with her hair?

Ed : I like her hair... So silky...

Crimson : I see... So Ed do you like her?

Ed : me? I-

*alarm turns on*

Crimson : oh oh... The effect's gonna wear of in 15 seconds! Ed! Say goodbye to the audience!

Ed : huh? Okay... Bye bye...

Audience : bye Ed!

Ed : bye bye...

Audience : bye!

Ed : bye... Bye...

Audiencen: bye?

Ed : bye... Bye... Bye... *sleeps*

Crimson : okay that's enough! Open the portal *portal appears* see ya, Ed! *kicks Ed into the portal*

* * *

Ed : uuurgghhhh...

Someone : brother! You're awake!

Ed : Al..? Is that you?

Al : oh I'm so glad you're okay! You were missing for hours! I was so worried!

Ed : huh? I'm okay. Don't worry Al. *looks around* hey... Why are we moving? *sees major armstrong carrying him*

Armstrong : *hugs Ed tightly* Oh Edward I'm so glad you are okay!

Ed : GYYAAAAHHHH!

* * *

Crimson : okay that's for tonight folks! I hope you all enjoyed the episode. Don't forget to keep watching FMA talkshow! Good bye and good night all! Have a good day!

Audience : *cheers*


	2. Episode 2

**2nd** **Episode**

**disclaimer : I don't own FMA or any of its characters. **

* * *

Crimson : Welcome back to FMA Talk Show! I'm sure you've known me from the 1st episode right?

Audience : right!

Crimson : well then, let's not waste our time and start the show! Same as last time, please choose the person you would like to be here tonight! 1 minute everyone!

Audience : *chatter-chatter*

~1 minute later~

Crimson : okay that's enough! Let's see... ... Well this reminds me of something... Never mind... *mood changes abruptly* Who's our lucky guy?!

*portal appears and an office table crashed on the floor*

Crimson : what on earth? *turns to the staff with an angry face* Hey! I didn't treat you milk for this!

Staff : *points to the stage*

Crimson : *turns attention back to the stage*

*a chair falls on the sofa with a black haired guy sitting on top*

Roy : H-hey! What the-! *falls on the table with the chair on top of him. Then the table falls on the floor. After that, A pile of papers then fall on top og him* uurrrggghhhh...

Crimson : you got some exciting entrance there, Roy. well looks like the portal's too big. It brought the whole office with you. *walks and picks up the papers* been slacking off again, hmm Roy?

Roy : uugghh... Where am I...?

Crimson : get up, Roy. I didn't call you here to sleep.

Roy : I am not! *pushes chair up and sits on the sofa*

Crimson : hmm *shuffles papers*fullmetal... Fulmetall... Fullmetal... Fulmetal... Fullmetal... Is everyhting here caused by Ed?

Roy : you got it. Wait- This is confidential! *snatch away the papers* and where am I?!

Crimson : you don't need to worry about that. And Roy, welcome to FMA talk show!

Roy : talk... Show?

Roy fans (all girls) : it's him! It's Roy Mustang! *runs to the stage*

Fan 1 : let's take a picture!

Fan 2 : please sign my Amestris military uniform!

Fan 3 : hey Roy! Gimme you phone number!

Roy : of course! *strarts signing things*

Crimson : hey! Hey! Autographs and photo taking time is after the show's finished. You hear me, AFTER THE SHOW IS FINISHED! And you too Roy! You don't wanna see Riza come here and drags you back to work right?!

Fans and Roy : *glare*

Fans : mean host... *jumps down the stage and goes back to their seats*

Roy : fine... *sits on the sofa and crosses arms*

Crimson : finally... *sighes then notices the pile of furniture on the stage* let's get these things back to the office first. It's quite troublesome. *snaps finger*

*a portal appears and sucks the furniture in*

Crimson : *presses something on ipad. Then giant screen on the wall turns on, showing Roy's office*

* * *

Riza : talk show?

Ed : yeah! That portal just now brings whoever's inside to the studio. And there's this milk addict host who asks weird questions.

Riza : you have been there?

Ed : yeah... And I don't know what kind of alchemy that host uses, but she can make the place alchemy free. And she can also puts this barrier.

Al : I've never heard of that kind of alchemy...

Ed : me neither.

Riza : when is he coming back?

Ed : how am I supposed to know? That crazy host's gonna detain him if he doesn't answer her questions. Well I certainly hope it's forever. *smirks* or maybe the host's gonna fell for him and takes him on a date or something.. Or even worse...

* * *

Crimson : that... Kid... *aura around goes dark* Release the table!

*portal appears and a table fell*

Ed : GYAAHHHH! *table falls on top of him. Follows by a chair on his legs*

Al : brother! *helps him*

* * *

Crimson : oh no you're not! Roy! Since I was the one who takes the furniture, mind telling where the table is supposed to be?

Roy : *smirks*gladly. Hmmm... A little to the left...

*table moves to the left dragging Ed under it*

Roy : good good... Now to the back... Yes... More... Ok stop!

Crimson : no no no no... Roy, my friend. You certainly don't understand interior designs. Here let me help you. *turns to staff* you! Follow my orders quickly!

Staff : yes ma'am!

Crimson: to the left!

* * *

*table moves to the left*

Al : ahh! I can't get brother out if the table keeps moving! *chases the table*

* * *

Crimson : to the front! Front door! Faster! Double fast!

*table moves to the door and goes to the corridor, dragging a helpless Ed under it*

People : aaaaaa! A moving table!

Al : brother!

Riza : *follows Al*

Jean : what's going on here?

Riza : Ed's under the table! Quickly help him!

* * *

Roy : *watches the show while laughing*

Crimson : You will never beat me in a game of table pushing! now! Back! Front! Back! Front! Back! Front! Back! Front! And back! Badk to the office! Make it triple faster!

*table with jet speed goes back to the office, scaring Al, Riza, and Jean away from the hallway*

Riza, Jean, Havoc : *backs away to the office window in fear*

*table moves closer and closer and stops abruptly*

Crimson : and stop! Okay Roy, your office looks way better than the last one! You should thank me.

Roy : *chuckles*

Crimson : *turns to the staff* before you go. Get me an audio portal.

Staff : *nods and gives a microphone to Crimson*

Crimson : make sure you give the effect... Yes that effect.

* * *

*a smaller portal appear in the office and a booming voice comes*

Crimson : Edward Elric... That is what you get for insulting the almighty Crimson Flarez. Next time you do this, you shall feel my wrath! I will summon you again to my studio and I shall show you the true meaning of hell! MUAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA! toodles~ *portal closes*

Al, Riza, and Jean : *frozen in fear*

* * *

Crimson : huft... Well now that it's over... Let's go back go our real intention here...

Roy : next time you wanna terrorize the office, call me first.

Crimson : got it. So Roy... *eyes widen* you're 29? Seriously?!

Roy : *narrows eyes* yes... why is everyone like this...

Crimson : you don't look anything like 29! No wrinkles, no pimples, completely black hair, baby face

Roy : *becomes annoyed* baby face?

Crimson : yes! You look like someone who just graduated from high school! No wonder girls go crazy overyou. How do yo do it, Roy? You go facial everyday? Or maybe spa?

Roy : Ha! Maybe beauty comes from within you see. I was born with this face. And besides, I don't have time for those. Right, girls? *turns to the fan girls*

Fans : right!

Crimson : what? You have time for dates but you don't have time for spa and salon.

Roy : there is always time for dates. Especially with beautiful girls. *smirks*

Crimson : womanizer... So how many?

Roy : how many what?

Crimson : how many dates? How many girls?

Roy : that's a hard question... Let's see... Starting from the first date when I was still at the Milktary Academy. Sarah... And then Julia, Diana, Mary...

Crimson : uh huh... *writes the names on a piece of paper* then?

Roy : Abigail, Michelle, Jenneth, Jessica...

Crimson : wait wait.. Slow down... Jess..ica... Next?

Roy : have you been writing them down?!

Crimson : what? *hides the paper* no I'm not. Go on...

Roy : *notices dangerous aura around the fangirls* I should stop.

Crimson : *notices the same thing as Roy* never mind... Hey Roy...

Roy : mmm?

Crimson : tell me... What do you think of Riza?

Roy : Riza? She's kind and scary at the same time.

Crimson : you got any feelings for her?

Roy : ...

Crimson : ...

Roy : can we not talk about my love life?

Crimson : but we just talked about it a minute ago.

Roy : Riza is an exception

Crimson : why?

Roy : Because I don't wanna see more holes in my wall, thank you.

Crimson : why?

Roy : because she's not the type of person who enjoys 'love' and 'dates'

Crimson : why?

Roy : *gets annoyed* because... *controls temper* she is a stern and discipline woman.

Crimson : why?

Roy : *narrows eyes* because she was born that way.

Crimson : why?

Roy : could you please stop saying why?

Crimson : why?

Roy : because you're making me angry?

Crimson : why?

Roy : *loses temper * because I'm gonna burn this place down if you don't!

*another Crimson appears, holding a mug*

Crimson : hey Roy *throws away the 'Crimson' dummy who is sitting on the host chair*

Roy : *face goes white*

Crimson : I went to get coffee... So where were we?

Roy : *speechless*

Crimson : *sigh* it was only a voice recorder.

Roy : ...

Crimson : yes,Roy you were talking to a dummy this whole time.

Roy :...

Crimson : yes Roy, you should speak now.

Roy : so that was...?

Crimson : yes...

Roy : *mutters something about embarassmemt*

Crimson : what was that?

Roy : nothing... Aren't you too young to drink coffee? How old are you?

Crimson : 13... Yes I am too young.

Roy : *stares*

Crimson : *stares back*

Roy : *silence*

Crimson : *breaks the silence* would you like some? They make good coffee here...

Roy : no thanks...

Crimson : Okay. So, how'd you know Berthold?

Roy : well... He was quite famous that time, for his flame alchemy. I was ineterested and visited him. I asked him to teach me flame alchemy and surprisngly he did.

Crimson : and that's also how you met Riza?

Roy : yes... Though we weren't close that time. We didn't talk too often.

Crimson : that reminds me... Grumman's Riza's grandfather, right?

Roy : yup.

Crimson : he reminds me of you, y'know.

Roy : *raises eyebrow* in what way?

Crimson : *points out flaws* a womanizer, always procrastinating your work, plays chess even though Grumman is much much better than you...

Roy : *dark aura emerges*

Crimson : yet you guys are actually intellegent and always think ahead. That's how you guys overthr-

Roy : ?

Crimson : never mind. You're not in that part anyway.

Roy : what do you mean?

Crimson : nothing nothing *puts innocent face* alright. Ehm. Back to Berthold. How old were you when you learned with him?

Roy : around 15 I think.

Crimson : were you already a womanizer that time?

Roy : *narrows eyes* no, I suppose not.

Crimson : oh! So there are times when you were actually serious about your life!

Roy : and now I'm not?

Crimson : nope.

Roy : ...

Crimson : ...

Roy : can I le-

Crimson : Roy! *changes topic* When Ed was here, he told me he wanted to quit being your men. I think that's why he went to your office when I called you.

Roy : hmph! that wouldn't happen soon.

Crimson : *raises eyebrow* how come?

Roy : well I'm sure big things are going to happen...

Crimson : such as?

Fan 1 : well actually Roy, there's gonna be a riot in Central and there's also gonna be a huge fight bewteen the protagonists and Fa-

Fan 2 : *covers fan1's mouth* shusssh! Don't spoil anything!

Roy : *stares suspiciously* a riot? In Central? How? *turns to Crimson* you have something to tell me?

Crimson : *goes sweaty* huh? What riot? Central's fine.. Totally fine. You'll live happily ever after with Riza Hawkeye as your wife, and you'll have kids with the same face and womanizing instinct as you. You'll live in a big candy made castle and Ed's gonna be your butler and worship you. Hehehehehe *fakes laughter*

Roy : I'm not believeing a single thing you said

Crimson : but I ain't lying ask the audience! Right guys?

Audience : *goes sweaty* yup yup. She's right!

Crimson : heheheh... By the way, you wanna become a Fuhrer right? Mind telling us why and your ambitions?

Roy : how did you know that? I didn't tell anyone except for-

Crimson : Hughes, Hawkeye, the Elrics, and some of your men. I know.

Roy : have you been spying on me?!

Crimson : no- well how do I put it?

Roy : who do you work for? The homunculus?!

Crimson : no! Goodness. We're on your side!

Roy : you know what would happen in the future and you know my personal things and info? What else are you hiding? *digs hands into pocket, tryin to find gloves but finds nothing*

Crimson : looking for these? *plays with gloves*

Roy : how did- give that back!

Crimson : I'll give it back after the show's finished. Unless you make things hard and slow down the show.

Roy : threating the flame alchemist, eh?

Crimson : what? You're useless in rainy days. And without gloves you are merely human.

Roy : *gets angry* I'm leaving. *goes to the exit, but hits something hard* what the?

Crimson : listen, Roy. Let's make a deal. You answer all our questions smoothly and you'll leave this place in a zip.

Roy : and if I don't?

Crimson : *smirks and shows the cup of coffee* you know what this is, Roy?

Roy : are you threatening me with coffee? How absurd!

Crimson : oh it's not just any coffee. *pulls out Roy's papperwork* remember your friend?

Roy : *narrows eyes* don't you even dare...

Crimson : *evil smirks* try me *smirks*

Roy : *hallucination*

Paper 1 : Save me, Roy! Don't let this brown liquid devour me!

Coffee : HARHARHARHAR! DIE!

Paper 2 : Just do what this lunatic says, Roy! You don't want a bullet in your skull do you! Do it!

Coffee : don't listen to them Roy! No paperwork means more freetime!

Paper 3 : which one is more worthy, Roy? Your life or free time?

Coffee : if these papers are gone, she won't have anything else to threaten you! You'll be free from this hell.

Papers : no! Don't do it Roy! Think about your mother! Think about your country! Your dream! You can't just abandon them!

Roy : *can't handle dilemmas and faints*

Crimson : oh gosh... I guess everyone has their soft sides. Even Mustang. Well, there's no use waking him up now, we're almost done anyway. Let's end tonight's show folks!

Fans : *glare*

Crimson : what's your problem?

Fan 1 : you said we could get his autographs when the show finished.

Fan 2 : but you made him faint!

Fan 3 : how could you?!

Crimson : you can get them next time.

Fans : *mood changes abruptly* next time?!

Crimson : yeah, I'll call him again.

Fan 1 : yey! You're the best!

Crimson : okay okay... *walks up to Mustang, grabs his hand and waves at the audience* bye everyone!

Audience : bye, Roy!

Crimson : okay! Open the portal!

*portal appears and sucks Roy in*

* * *

Riza : *shakes Roy's body* Colonel... Colonel...

Roy : *groans* what...? *slowly wakes up* what's wrong lieutenant?

Riza : we should go...

Roy : *notices the crowd of people watching him and goes pale when he notices the Fuhrer*

Bradley : Ehm... Colonel Mustang... I believe you are sleeping at the wrong place, right now.

Roy : *realizes that he was sitting on the meeting table and quickly steps aside* Y-yes.. I'm sorry sir, I'll leave as soon as possible *runs to the exit with Riza*

* * *

Crimson : *laughs* oh I just like it when I get these two in trouble! Okay okay.. I guess that's enough for tonight. I'll see you all soon then! Good bye and good night!

Audience : *cheers*


	3. Episode 3

**3rd Episode**

**Disclaimer : I don't own all of the characters here, including the 3 extras.**

* * *

Crimson : hello again everyone! Back to FMA Talk show, yes?

Audience : Definitely!

Crimson : so, we'l be starting the show right away. And as usual, you may pick our guest for tonight! 1 minute!

Audience : *chatter chatter*

~1 minute later~

Crimson : okay let's see... Mmm... Finally.. A less destructive and dangerous guest... Alright! Who is our lucky guy?!

*portal appears and a huge chunk of armor falls on the sofa*

Crimson : well hello there, Al! How are you today?

Al : urrghhh... Is this the talk show?

Crimson : BINGO!

Al : I see- Brother! Oh no!

Crimson : what? What's wrong?

Al : I-just-him-wheelchair-

Crimson : slow down,Al. Let's just see what's going on. *presses ipad*

*screen turns on showing Ed screaming for his life while sliding down the road on a wheelchair*

Ed : D*MN YOU HOST! GYYAAAAHHHHH!

*screen zooms out showing Ed still halfway down*

Crimson : my my... I didn't know Amestris has the steepest road...

Al : i have to save him! *runs to the exit*

Crimson : wait Al... Look.

Al : *turns to the screen*

~FMA Talk Show~

Breda : Is that?

Havoc : chief?

Breda : sliding down?

Havoc : on a wheelchair?

Breda : screaming?

Havoc : for help?

Breda & Havoc : *look at each other* WE GOTTA SAVE HIM! *run around in circle*

Ed : HELP ME!

Havoc : okay okay. Don't panic! Calm down Breda!

Breda : says the man who's running in circles!

Havoc : and you're not?!

Breda : f-fine! Uh... Uhm we catch the wheelchair in the count of 3.

Havoc : *nods* 1... *gets ready*

Breda : 2...

Havoc : 3! *grabs the holder of the wheelchair* got iiiiiiiittttttttttttt! *gets dragged by the wheelchair and starts running to keep up with it*

Breda : Havoc! *chases*

Ed : you idiot! You should've caught me not the d*mn wheelchair!

Havoc : *smirks* that's not the point right now! *keeps running*

Breda : can't *gasp* keep up... *faints*

Havoc : Breda!

Breda : I'll leave this for you, Havoc! *holds tumbs up* just need some rest..

Havoc : Truck!

Breda : wha?

Havoc : TRUCKKKKKKKKK!

Breda : *notices a truck coming at him* ARRGGHH! *gets up but gets run over anyway*

~FMA Talk Show~

Crimson : oouch... That's gotta hurt...

~FMA Talk Show~

Havoc & Ed : *goes pale* Bre...da...

Ed : TREE!

Havoc : wha?

Ed : TREEEEEEEEEEE!

Havoc : GYAAHHHHH! *wheelchair crashes the tree*

Ed : *becomes the first ever man to fly without wings and lands on one of the branches*

Havoc : *lies unconscious on the ground*

Breda : *lies on the cement road*

~FMA Talk Show~

Al : *goes pale* b-bro... Ther...

Crimson : *turns the screen off* hey you okay Al?

Al : ...

Crimson : Al?

Al : ...

Crimosn : *sighs* get me... The secret weapon.

Staff : *brings a huge carton box and gives it to Crimson*

Crimson : *puts box on the floor*

Camera : *zooms to the box*

*suddenly a bunch of kittens and cats pop their heads up*

Cat 1-10 : meouw! Meouw!

Al : *mood changes suddenly* these are...!

Crimson : cats! And I also got 2 extras! Al, meet Tom from Tom and Jerry and also Garfield!

Garfield : hey you said there are lasagna here.

Al : it talks!

Crimson : *snaps finger and staff brings a huge plate of lasagna*

Garfield : now that's... What you're talking about. *starts eating the lasagna*

Tom : *holds a paper with a picture of doodle Jerry and points at it*

Crimson : oh right... *pulls out a jar with Jerry in it* here's the deal.

Tom : *snatch the jar away and tries to open it*

Crimson: don't eat Jerry now, Tom. You can eat it after the show. If not, I will have to take it away.

Tom : *glares then nods then joins garfield on the couch*

Al : Oh they're so cute! *hugs cats, including the 2 extras*

Garfield : can't... Breath...

Al : ah sorry... *lets go*

Garfield : much better... *grabs another piece of lasagna and gulps it down* so... What's your mame kid?

Al : Alphonse... Alphonse Elric *pats one of the cats*

Crimson : okay... Now that's everyone ready, let's start! So Al...

Al : yes?

Crimson : everyone knows that you are a kindhearted, less aggresive and also less deadly. But your brother... Well he's the exact opposite of you. Did he hit his head when he was a kid? Or maybe something else happen?

Al : well... I'm not really sure. Brother is just... Brother... I guess. Or maybe...

Crimson : or?

Al : brother got into an accident when I was still a baby or before I was born *shivers*

Crimson : you're thinking something.

Al : well brother always gets himself into trouble often.. Maybe he fell off the river and lost his memory...

Crimson : or maybe he got run over by a car...

Al : or maybe he fell of the tree... And hit his head on a rock...

Garfield : or maybe, he drank too much milk his head exploded.

Al : how did you know he hates milk?

Garfield : *points at Crimson* she told me. And who hates milk anyway. Milk is delicious.

Al : I wish brother was like you...

Tom : *shows Crimson his paper*

Crimson : what's this? *examines the pic* oh I see. Tom thinks your brother was run over by... A pack of Dogs... Then got beaten by mice?

Tom : *nods*

Crimson : I see... Well go ask your brother when you go back. I'm betting he got ran over by a car...

Al : *nods*

Crimson : So Al, *changes topic* what do you do when your brother's asleep? You know wasting more than 8 hours every day is not... Easy... If I were you I would've died out of boredom...

Al : well it's a good thing I'm patient...

Crimson : unlike your brother... You know he nearly trashed the studio... Until I gave him... Never mind

Al : well I read books or just think

Crimson : about what?

Al : about how to get my body back. Sometimes I also think about how to deal with the homunculus'. Sometimes I also wonder how to make brother taller... And how to teach him to drink milk.

Crimson : *giggles* really? But you don't seem to share this with your bro.

Al : no... Brother will kill me if I tell him.

Crimson : I don't think so. Your brother's overprotective. He won't kill you.

Al : you're probably right.

Crimson : hey Al, I've been wondering. How does it feel when someone goes into your body?

Al : my body? *points to armor*

Crimson : yes inside your armor.

Al : well... *silence*

Crimson : ...

Garfield : *munch munch*

Tom : *stares at Jerry*

Al : ... Nothing... *an awkwrard wind blows out of nowhere*

Crimson : nothing? Not a tickle?

Al : nope, nothing.

Crimson : okay maybe not physically , how bout mentally? How do you feel?

Al : embarassed I guess. I mean, it's like someone's in MY body... My human body... I felt...

Crimson : naked?

Al : yeah something like that...

Garfield : can I ask something?

Crimson : yeah?

Garfield : whaddya mean 'someone goes inside the armor'?

Crimson : you see garfield, the armor's empty.

Garfield : wha?

Crimson : it's empty, right Al?

Al : uh huh. *takes off helmet*

Garfield : *drops lasagna* b-bu-but then... *turns to Crimson* h-how did?

Crimson : it's empty garfield. Empty.

Garfield : *examines the armor* there's no strings no tricks, nothing... How did you do it?

Al : *looks down* I lost my body in a... An accident.

Crimson : *puts sad face* I feel so sad... I wish I could help you... *suddenly spirit lights up* maybe I can... *smirks*

Garfield : I don't like that face...

Tom : *nods*...

Crimson : but this is so dangerous I can lose my job... *frowns then mood changes suddenly* oooh! I know! *calls one of the staff and whisper something*

Staff : n-no! I'm not doing it! No way!

Crimson : *glares* I am your superior. You have to follow my orders.

Staff : I'm gonna get fired! Or maybe thrown to jail!

Crimson : *pulls out a ski mask* that's why you'll wear this!

Staff : n-no! , he is watching us right now! He'll definitely fire us if he knows this!

Crimson : and I could do that right now, for you.

Staff : for what?

Crimson : oh I don't know maybe... You failed to do your duty and ruined the episode.

Staff : but I didn't do anything!

Crimson : yeah but who will he believe? *smirks*

Staff : *pouts then grabs the mask and walks away*

Crimson : alright now let's continue the show while my... Men do the work.

Al : uhm... What are you planning, ?

Crimson : it's a surprise... Just wait, okay?

Garfield and Tom : ...

Al : ... Okay...

Crimson : so Al. This question... Might be... First... For you... Al... Have you ever fallen in love?

Al : uh... Uhm... I don't know *plays with fingers*

Crimson : oh come on Al... You do lack feelings physically but not emotionally. You have to at least fallen in love for once...

Al : *goes sweaty* I... Uh... I don't know... I've never thought of it actually...

Crimson : seriously...? And I was expecting a major confession...

Al : confession?!

Crimson : well yeah... I mean you're 14 now Al... Amost 15... Huft... Okay then, do you ever feel that someone has fallen for you?

Al : I... Uh... Uhmm... No...

Crimson : my my... And I thought you already knew...

Al : knew what?

Crimson : well it's for you to find out! I'm not telling!

Garfield : hey host. You're friend's back.

Crimson : oh? *turns to the staff behind her* you're done?

Staff : yes?

Crimson : have you made sure it looks like an accident?

Staff : yup.

Crimson : now evidence? No eye witness?

Staff : completely clean!

Crimson : alright then, open the portal.

Al : uhm.. , what did you excatly tell him to do?

Crimson : oh I told him to tell my manager to take a nap *smirks*

Al : *realizes what it means* I... See...

Garfield : you got a scary host...

Tom : *nods*

Crimson : alright Al, close your eyes!

Al : uhmm... I can't, remember?

Crimson : oh right. Cover them then!

Al : ah alright... *covers his eyes with his hands*

*a portal appears and a man dropped on the sofa with a child in his arms*

Human Al : this.. Is... Oh I remember this! it's nice to see you again!

Crimson : ah Al... It's been some time... Alright you can see now...

Armor Al : *notices his body* you are...!

Human Al : yeap!

Armor Al : so I am going to get my body back, I am! Thank you ! Thank you!

Crimson : you're welcome Al. It's the least I could do.

Armor Al : so uhm... How's brother?

Human Al : brother got his arm back. But his leg is still automail.

Armor Al : I see... *notices the child in human Al's arms* and that is...? Wait he looks just like brother...

Human Al : guess!

Armor Al : wait if you're already an adult then brother should also be an adult then this must be...

Human Al : ...

*awkward wind blows into the room*

Armor Al : *gasp* with who?

Human Al : who else?

Armor Al : with... Winry?

Human Al : uh huh.

Armor Al : oh my God! So brother is going to marry Winry! Oh my oh my oh my... And I'm going to be an uncle!

Crimson : hey Al, *takes a pic of the child and gives the photo to Al* show this to your bro when you get back.

Armor Al : sure!

Child : Uncle Al, who is this?

Human Al : oh that's me when I was younger.

Child : wow... You're so big and shiny... I want to be like you when I'm big too, uncle!

Human Al : *smiles* of course...

Child : i wonder if daddy's like uncle too when he was still young. Was he big And shiny like you, uncle?

Human Al : well.. Uh... Uhm..

Armor Al : he.. Uh...mm... Well...

Crimson : *smirks* well actually... Your father was very sm-

*door bursts open revealing a gasping adult Ed*

Human Al : Ed?

Adult Ed : Al?

Armor Al : br-brother?!

Adult Ed : A-Al?! There's 2 of you!

Child : Daddy!

Ed : Son!

Crimson : Ed?

Ed : YOU!

Audience : hi Ed!

Ed : MILK ADDICT PEOPLE! *runs to the stage*

Person 1 : why are we calling each other's name?

Person 2 : I don't know... BUT I LIKE IT! Let's do it again!

Human Al : Ed?

Adult Ed : Al?

Armor Al : br-brother?!

Adult Ed : A-Al?! Is that really you?

Child : Daddy!

Ed : Son!

Crimson : Ed?

Ed : YOU!

Audience : hi Ed!

Ed : WOULD YOU JUST STOP IT?!

Crimson : *giggles* impressive... how'd you find the studio?

Ed : none of your concern! *snatches kid away from Al and drags the human Al to the door* I'm 30 and you still meddle with my life! *turns to armor Al* Al... Get away from here while you're still sane.

Armor Al : eeh? Why?

Crimson : but it's fun! Bea-

Ed : WHO'S SO TINY HERE EH?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'VE GROWN?!

Crimson : get me... A microscope.

Ed : GYYAAHHHH! *walks to the exit while carrying his son and drags Al along*

Garfield : are you the guy who hates milk?

Ed : *stops walking and turns around* who's there? *notices Garfield* a-a... Talking c-cat...

Garfield : what's wrong? Never seen a talking cat before?

Ed : *calms down from shock then stares at Garfield* yeah I hate milk. Got a problem with that? *glares*

Garfield : oh yes, I do. *gets up* how could you hate milk? It's good!

Ed : that's none of your business, kitty. It's my choice to like milk or not.

Garfield : oh yeah it's my business! *stands on the table and pose* We as feline drink milk, that nutricious opaque liquid! It gives us energy to grow strong and healthy! *turns to armor Al* kid, we'll teach him to drink milk. Cat squad! Ready!

Cats 1-10 : *stands like a soldier*

Garfield : GET SET!

Cat/ 1-10 : *prepares claws*

Garfield : ATTACK!

Cats 1-10 : * growls, then attacks*

Human Al : *gasp* an angry cat mob! RUN ED RUN!

Ed : CURSE YOU HOST! *runs to the exit*

Human Al : I guess I'll see you guys soon... *waves*

Armor Al : wait! One more question! Can I have a cat when I grow up?

Armor Al : Well I-

Ed : *slams the door close*

Armor Al : He hasn't even finished the sentence..

Garfield : *opens the door and leads the 'teach Ed how to drink milk' squad away*

Crimson : *sighes* even when he's grown... He still acts like a kid. *turns to Tom* you're not going?

Tom : *shakes head*

Crimson : *rests head on palm* prefer lazying around, eh?

Tom : *nods, moves closer to Al, then snuggles on his lap*

Al : *pets Tom*

Crimson : man, I didn't see that coming... Looks like I underestimated your brother, Al.

Al : *chuckles* well brother would do anything for the people he cares. In this case, his... Son...

Crimson : *sighes* anyway... Time's running out. So I'll take you back to the hospital. *opens portal* there's your ticket out of here! You too Tom!

Tom : *waves goodbye then goes into the portal*

Al : thank you, . For everything!

Crimson : no problem Al. Oh I almost forgot. *takes out something from the drawer* here. A sorry gift for your brother. And Jean and Breda too.

Al : I see... okay then. Bye! *goes inside the portal then closes*

Crimson : *sighes the takes out another jar from the drawer* thanks for helping me Jer. *opens the jar and let the mouse go* see you soon!

Jerry : *waves back and goes to the exit*

Crimson : *sighes* everything's right under control... Okay, now let's sit down and watch *turns the screen on*

~FMA Talk Show~

Roy : 3 of my men were injured in one day... Unbelieveable.

Ed : it's that host's fault!

Riza : don't shout under those bandages, Ed.

Ed : *grumbles something about revenge*

Breda : why can't you just let me gooooooo *cries*

Jean : *sighes*

*portal appears and Al steps out*

Ed : Al! You'rs fine! She didn't do anything to you, did she?

Al : *shakes head* I'm fine brother. She cheered me up a lot.

Ed : *stares*

Roy : *stares*

Ed : she didn't wreck your brain... Did she?

Roy : maybe he's controlled...

Al : nope. Oh yeah! She said to give you this! *takes out the present then tries to open it*

Roy : don't! Maybe it's bomb!

Riza : I don't here any ticking. Open it, Al. *prepares gun*

Al : okay... *open the box and reveals a wooden music box with an Edward Elric action figure on top*

Roy : A music box?

Al : see? Nothing to worry about!

Riza : now play it... Slowly.

Al : *turns the key slowly, then places it on the table*

Music box : if you're happy and you know it clap your hand CLAP CLAP CLAP

Everyone : *sweatdrops*

Music box : if you're happy and you know it clap your hand! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP *a lid opens*

Roy, Riza, and Al : *stares questioningly at it*

Music box : if you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it *a gun emerges from inside*

Jean,Breda, Ed : GET ME OUTTA HERE! SAVE MY LIFFEEEEEE! *tries to run away but can't*

Riza : *shoots the music box but it's protected by a shield* D*mn it!

Roy : I knew we shouldn't have opened it! Now we're all going to die here!

Music box : if you're happy and you know it clap your hands! CLAP CLAP *shoots a green liquid to the trio*

Jean, Breda, Ed : *SPLAT*

Roy, Riza, Al : *sweatdrops then burst into laughter*

*liquid seeps into their skin*

Ed : what was that all about? *accidentally lifts arm* I can move again!

Jean: *walks around* you're right!

Breda : *laughs* I'm good as new!

Roy : so it was really a sorry gift? *examines the music box*

Riza : looks like it... *puts the gun away*

Music box : *the lid closes suddenly and the action figure talks*

Crimson : so... How's the medicine?

Roy : it's you... *glares*

Crimson : what? Is that how you treat someone who just healed your men?

Roy : they wouldn't have been like this if you hadn't called Al in such a bad time!

Crimson : hmph! Whatever. Well... Chit chat time's over. I suggest you get out of the room now.

Roy : what are you planning?

Crimson : self destruct in 3...

Jean : *opens the door* GO GO GO GO!

Crimson : 2...

Everyone : *runs and screams*

Crimson : 1...

Roy : *slams the door close*

BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

~FMA Talk Show~

Crimson : *smirks* just in time... *giggles* alright... i'd better check on my manager... See you guys soon! Goodbye and goodnight!

Audience : *cheers*

~FMA Talk Show~

Adult Ed : are they still following us?

Adult Al : I don't think so... I hope...

*red eyes appears in the shadow*

Adult Ed : *notice the red eyes* RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Adult Al : GYYAAAHHHHH!

Garfield : hehe... *smirks* follow them!

~FMA Talk Show~

Dfire : you're right... They... Might be a problem. But I'm sure I'll think of something... If not then RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

**Author's note : the first reviewer can choose the next character. Thanks!**


	4. Episode 4

Episode 4 - Riza Hawkeye

Disclaimer : I don't own FMA. *sniffs* so not fair...

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Riza : *walks around the park while being pulled by Hayate*

Roy :Lieutenant.

Riza : *spots Roy* Colonel, what are you doing here?

Roy : what? It's the weekend! Can't I have a break from my work?

Riza : ah yes... *chuckles slightly*

Roy : *sits down on a bench and gestures for her to sit down too*

Riza : *pulls Hayate to the bench and sits down*

Roy : have you found her location, yet?

Riza : negative sir. There has been no reports about her studio nor abandoned buildings that might have been used by her.

Roy : I see... And the girl?

Riza : no one has ever seen any girl acording to your description, sir.

Roy : *sighes* she's not someone to be underestimated... who do you think the next target is?

Riza : I don't know... There should be a pattern.

*portal appears above them and tries to suck Riza in*

Roy : *grabs Riza's hands* hold on!

Hayate : *barks violently while also being pulled inside*

Riza : I... Can't... Too... Strong.. *loses grip and gets sucked in, along with Black Hayate* AAAAH!

Roy : RIZA!

*portal closes*

Roy : *stares with mouth agape then gets angry and stomps back to the office with an abnormal speed*

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Crimson : ahhh... I know he loves.. *smirks*

Riza : *falls on the sofa with Black Hayate on her lap*

Crimson : Good evening, Riza. How are you toda- ARRGHH I can't take this anymore! *runs to the sofa* Riza you are my favorite character in FMA! *stares at her with sparkly eyes*

Riza : *scratches head then notices Crimson* huh?

Crimson : i just love how you hold your guns and kills those bad guys in a heartbeat! And how you scare Roy with your icy glare and your bullets! They're just awesome!

Riza : uhm... *tries to grab gun while pretend to be flattered, but grabs nothing* where's my..?

Crimson :ah you must be looking for your guns. As I expected. They're confiscated *throws 2 guns into a box* and I almost forgot... *turns to the audience* ROYAI FANS! YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED SOMETHING INCREDIBLE! NOW GET INTO WORK AND MAKE THE BEST ROYAI FICS EVER!

Royai fans : YES MA'AM! *starts typing stuffs and scribling on paper*

Riza : *sweatdrops then turns to Crimson* what do you want from me? *glares*

Crimson : hey hey... Don't give me that look. And I'm sure you've heard from the others.

Riza : that wants to kill you right now.

Crimson : yeah probably. But I'm still alive right now so no matter. And besides you're just here to be interviewed.

Riza : *still glares*

Hayate : *growls at Crimson*

Crimson : alright... *presses something on ipad* okay. So Riza-

Riza : Lieutenant.

Crimson :Touche... Alright, _Lieutenant_. You, have an interesting family here. Your father happens to be... The one and only Berthold Hawkeye. And your grandfather is Lieutenant General Grumman, right?

Riza : *stares* ... Yes.

Crimson : *reads one of the articles* you're not close with your father? Despite him being the only person in your mansion?

Riza : *stares again*

Crimson : oh c'mon... If you don't answer then I can't return you home.

Riza : *glares* he's not the type of person you want to be close with.

Crimson : explain why.

Riza : what?

Crimson : you heard me. Explain. I can't entertain the audience with just you answering my questions with one word and a perfect poker face.

Riza : *shrugs then sighes* He... Was too focus with his research. And because of that he ignored everything else in the world.

Crimson : including you?

Riza : *nods* He forgot to eat and sleep. His health dropped and he fell ill.

Crimson : and then he died. Gosh it must be really hard to live like that.

Riza : yes, but I've made it. I survived.

Crimson : *smiles* of course Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye survives. So, what made you join the military? I thought your father sort of... Despise them.

Riza : He did. My reason, is none of your concern.

Crimson : oh come on... Please tell us...

Riza : no.

Crimson : pretty please ... *puts sparkly eyes* with sugar on top...

Riza : no.

Crimson : oh come on... Do it for your fans!

Riza : I am a soldier, not a star.

Crimson : oh but you are to us! I mean, look at them! *points to Riza's fans*

Riza : *stares at the fans with emotionless eyes*

Fans : *stares at Riza with pleading eyes* please answer Crimson's questions.

Riza : it's my decision to answer her questions or not.

Fans : pppppllllllleeeeeaaaasssseeeeeeeeee... *stares with puppy eyes*

Riza : *stares back with cold eyes*

Crimson : STARING CONTEST!

*invisible yellow lightning emerges from Riza and blue ligthning from the fams*

Staff 1 : *calls Crimson and whispers something*

Crimson : bets? Sure. I bet 20 bucks that she'll get rid of them in 20 secs.

Staff 1 : *nods and starts the stopwatch*

Staff 3 : *takes a whiteboard and starts counting the votes*

Fan 1 : *gets pushed away and falls down*

Crimson : ooohhhh! One's down!

Fan 2 : I'M BLINNDDD! *runs around and hits something then faints*

Crimson : *eats popcorn* 2 down!

Riza : *intensifies power*

Fans : *intensifies power*

Crimson : *keeps eating popcorn then turns to staff* want some?

Fan 3 : *gets flung away*

Fans 4-7 : *collapse simultaneously*

Leader fan : *narrows eyes*

Riza : *narrows eyes*

Leader fan : *blinks and suddenly faints*

Crimson : and Lieutenant Hawkeye wins!

Audience : *cheers*

Riza : *sighes then turns to Crimson* can I leave now?

Audience : no!

Crimson : you heard 'em. *turns to staff 1* well?

Staff 1 : *looks at the starwatch* 19.56 seconds.

Crimson : *smiles* So I got the closest one, right?!

Staff 1 : Unfortunatey, no.

Crimson : huh? Whaddya mean no?!

Staff 1 : *points to the guy behind him* He bets 19.9999999 secs. He wins.

Crimson : w-what?! Impossible!

Staff 1 : *gives the money to the winner*

Crimson : *stares then turns back to Riza* forget it...

Riza : *rolls eyes* kids these days...

Crimson : okay okay let's continue. So Riza, ever wanted to learn fire alchemy from your dad?

Riza : ... Yes.

Crimson : and why are you not an alchemist now?

Riza : I... Don't want to be like him...

Crimson : you mean like a crazy maniac scientist?

Riza : *shoots murderous glare at Crimson* ...yes. Some sort.

Crimson : hmm... *presses something on ipad* and it says here, you are a very talented in firearms. And from that, you got the title as 'the hawk's eye'

Riza : yes, that's true.

Crimson : and where did you learn to hold guns and everything? I mean, first of all, none of your family members use firearms. So who taught you?

Riza : I learned when I was still in training. And yes, I had no experience at all in handling firearms. Because of that, I practiced hard. I knew I had a lot of catching up to do.

Crimson : *smirks* well. With the help of dedication and her will, Riza Hawkeye manages to be the best sniper in HQ. Let's give applause for the perfect soldier, everyone! *starts clapping*

Audience : *gives a standing applause*

Riza : thank you, but I am not a perfect soldier.

Crimson : who cares what you think?! You're a perfect soldier to us!

Riza : *sighes then pets Hayate*

Crimson : Hey, lieutenant...

Riza : yes?

Crimson : will you stay in the military if you are forced to wear miniskirts?

Riza : I'm sorry, but what did you just say?

Crimson : you heard me, will you stay in the military if it makes you wear miniskirts?

Riza : I don't think I understand.

Crimson : fine. I'll explain. Once Roy becomes Fuhrer, he's gonna make all women in the military wear mini skirts. Remember the 'declaration' he announced, causing Havoc's nose to bleed? You still gonne stay if he does that?

Riza : I'll stay once I shoot a bullet in his skull to get him back to his senses.

Crimson : *imagines Riza scaring the h3ll out of Mustang* THEN LET'S MAKE MUSTANG BECOME FUHRER SOONER! The sooner, the better. *smirks*

Riza : the better for you.

Crimson : *nods while still grinning* for me.

Crimson : ah by the way, Riz- lieutenant. There's a question I've been wanting to ask you.

Riza : and that is?

Crimson : do you... Return the colonel's feeling?

Riza : excuse me?

Crimson : Lieutenant, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here. The colonel is IN LOVE WITH YOU! I know he tries to deny it, but it's written all over his face! Only a fool wouldn't realize that!

Riza : He, is my superior officer. He is merely my friend, my subordinate, no more than that. He treats me the same way.

Crimson : oh really?

Riza : yes.

Crimson : I have some proof *smirks*.

Riza : *glares* bring it.

Crimson : okay then. First... Hmmm. Yes, that time. Remember the guy with the butcher knife? What was his name... Barry the Chopper right? What do you think of Barry?

Riza : *narrows eyes in suspicion* lunatic, childish, blood-lust, crazy, easily impressed by brave women...

Crimson : ouch... Well this 'lunatic, childish, blood-lust, crazy, easily impressed by brave women' guy was in love with you.

Riza : Infatuated.

Crimson : fine. Infatuated with you. When you told Roy about him, he swore he'd kill him if he approached you.

Riza : *turns to Crimson* you think he threatened him because he likes me, don't you? Well, there is another reason why.

Crimson : and that is?

Riza : Barry is-was a cold hearted serial killer who could kill me anytime he wanted. It was logical for the colonel to threaten him like that.

Crimson : but that's not all... *smirks* don't you think there's another reason behind it? Like jealousy... Probably?

Riza : no.

Crimson : okay then how about his reaction when I sucked you here.

Riza : he will probably form a small search party.

Crimson : I don't think that's the only thing he'll do. *presses something on ipad*

Riza : *raises eyebrow then turns to the screen*

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Ed : *kicks the door open* why the h*ll did you call me on Sundays, you colonel b******!?

Roy : good, you're all here.

Fuery : what is this about, sir?

Roy : *sighes* Lieutenant Hawkeye has been taken...

Havoc : taken?! How? I mean we know it's Hawkeye we're talking about here.

Breda : how?!

Roy : she was... Sucked in right in front of me... By... The host.

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Crimson : awwww he gave me a nickname... How cute.

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Everyone else except for Ed : *gasps*

Ed : so what? She'll come back anyways.

Roy : fullmetal, Since we both have been there, I'm sure you know what she's capable of.

Ed : *snorts*

Roy : Havoc! I want you to search every building standing in Central that has a similar structure as the studio. No wait, Search the whole state for it!

Havoc : the w-whole country?!

Roy : *glares*

Havoc : y-yes sir! *salutes and goes to his desk*

Roy : Falman! Search for any girl that match her description! Fuery! I need you to form a search party! Get me the best agents there are! Breda! I want you to help Havoc!

Falman, Fuery, and Breda : Y-yes sir! *salute and go to their own desks to start their own work*

Roy : Fullmetal, Alphonse! I want you to recall everything you know about the studio and Crimson. In case if I missed anything.

Al : y-yes, of course!

Ed : hmph!

Roy : *mutters* I'll find you no matter what, host...

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Crimson : see? He's overreacting when I 'took' you. He didn't do the same when I took Ed or Al.

Riza : ...

Crimson : looks like I got you this time, lieutenant. Ck ck ck ck... Searching the whole country just for one little girl. Lieutenant, you are the most valuable thing in the world... To him of course.

Riza : that doesn't prove anything. He cares for his subordinate. That's all.

Crimson : you just don't know when to give in, don't you? Alright then, let's play a prank on your precious colonel. *evil smirk*

Riza : *suddenly stiffens* what are you going to do to him?

Crimson : *plays with ipad* just give me a minute...

Hayate : *barks violently*

Riza : you dare touch him, I'll send you to hell.

Crimson : don't worry, I'm not going to hurt him. Probably..

Riza : *glares*

Crimson : done! *calls one of the staffs and gives him the envelope* Send this to Mustang.

Staff : *nods and goes away*

Riza : what are you going to do to him?

Crimson : what I always do. Ask questions.

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Roy : any progress ye-

*portal appears and the envelope drops*

Ed : that's...!

Roy : *snatches the envelope* this must be from Crimson... *opens it*

*gas comes out from the envelope and starts to fill the room*

Roy : *drops the envelope and holds breath* don't breath!

Everyone else : *starts to hold their breath*

Ed : what have you done this time you colonel b******?! *accidently inhales* CRAP!

Havoc : *runs to the door and tries to open it but fails* Locked!

Roy : *runs to the corner of the room* try the window!

Breda : *tries to open the window but fails also* it's also locked! *starts banging it, hoping that it would break*

Fuery : *coughs*

Falman : I don't think I can hold my breath much longer!

Everyone : *hears a baby crying*

Roy : (what the h3ll?) *starts to walk but stops when he sees something odd* (a... Baby? Wait, no. That's fullmetal! Wait a sec, this gas is-) *trips over the couch and falls* Oww! *accidently breath* oh no...

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Riza : that's not a poisonous gas, isn't it.

Crimson : good job, lieutenant! Yes, you are right, that is not poisonous gas. *stares at the screen then press a button and a portal appears* Now, I pay them a visit. *walks in and disappears*

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Crimson : *steps into the room* you got a nice office here, Roy. *turns to the crying group of kids* okay now which one of you is which... Hmm... *picks up the kid with black hair and glasses* Fuery... *places him on the sofa*. Squinty eyes here must be Falman *picks him up and place him next to Fuery. Then picks up the fat baby* Oh God, Breda you already weighed this much... *places him on the sofa then picks up Edward*

Ed : *stops crying* Do I know you?

Crimson : ... NO!

Ed : uwwwahhhhh! *cries again* you're so mean!

Crimson : call me what you want kiddo! *places (reads : drops) him on the sofa. Then picks up the other blondie and places him on the sofa next to Ed* and lastly *turns around to see Roy, snapping his fingers*

Man, he's soooo cute! C'mon Roy *picks him up and places him next to Havoc* Now, to make you guys stop crying! *snaps fingers*

Fuery : *gets a high tech radio*

Falman : *gets a history book and quickly reads it*

Breda : *gets a mega sized hamburger and starts eating*

Ed : *gets a bottle of milk and stares at it* ...

Crimson : ... *dodges the bottle of milk that is thrown at her* GEESSH!

Ed : I HATE MILK!

Crimson : okay okay! I'm just messing with you! *snaps finger*

Ed : *gets a paper with an alchemical array*

Havoc : *gets a cigarette* yay!

Crimson : *realizes something* why am I giving children cigarette! *snatch it away*

Havoc : *starts crying* I WANT IT!

Crimson : NO! Smoking is bad for your health!

Havoc : I WANT IT!

Crimson : SHEESH! *snaps fingers*

Havoc : *gets a cigarette toy and pretends to smoke*

Crimson : *sighes*

Roy : *gets a pair of mini gloves and starts to play with it*

Crimson : *sighes an sits on the floor* boys...

Boys : *ignore Crimson*

Crimson : *stares at them* boys...

Boys : *still ignoring Crimson*

Crimson : HHHHEEEEEYYYY!

Boys : UUWWWWAAAAAAHHHH! *starts crying again*

Havoc : there's a monster that's going to eat us! *points at Crimson*

Crimson : what did you say?!

Ed : we have to kill it! *starts throwing pillows at her*

Crimson : *dodges them* what the- Edward stop it!

Roy : *snaps finger hoping to light the 'monster' up*

Breda : she's angry! She's angry! *throws the half eaten burger at her and it hit her head*

Crimson : ...

Boys : ...

Crimson : ...

Boys : *get frightened*

Crimson : *suddenly glares and prepares claws*

Boys : DEEEEMMMOOONNNN!

~several minutes later~

Crimson : alright then, let's play a game. *smiles*

Roy : w-what game...?

Crimson : it's called 'answer all of my questions honestly'.

Fuery : how do you play it?

Crimson : I will ask questions and you will answer them honestly. The one who is lying will be punished severly. Got it?

Boys : Y-yes!

Crimson : good. Now let's start with you, Fuery.

Fuery : me?

Crimson : yup. So Fuery, tell me what is the worst thing you've every experienced?

Fuery : uhmmm... *thinking* Havoc broke my radio! Uuwaaaaaahhhhh!

Crimson : tell me. How did it happen?

Fuery : *sniffs* was my BFF! I talked to him and he talked back! We were so happy until Havoc shoved it and it fell! *cries*

Havoc : it was an accident!

Fuery : *suddenly stops crying and glares at Havoc*

Crimson : *realize the dark aura surrounding Fuery* I don't like this... Does Fuery have a dark side?

Breda : YES!

Crimson : GRAB HIM!

Breda : *grabs Fuery's left leg*

Roy : *grabs his left arm*

Falman : *grabs his right arm*

Fuery : let me go! Let me go!

Crimson : Run havoc, RUN!

Havoc : GYYYAAAA! *runs to the window and it magically breaks*

Crimson : whoops. Forgot one thing. *snaps*

Havoc : *turns back to normal* WHAT THE- *crashes on the garbage can*

Crimson : well looks like he won't be coming back soon... Let's continue! But first... *turns to Fuery and snaps finger*

Fuery : *suddenly sleeps*

Boys : *lay on the floor due to tiredness*

Roy : I wanna sleep... Can I sleep?

Breda : and I'm hungry again... *puts hand on stomach*

Crimson : no and no.

Roy : hmph!

Breda : meanie!

Crimson : Falman, your turn! Hmm... Uh... Uhm... I don't know what to ask you *smiles sheephisly*

Falman : I feel insulted.

Crimson : uhm... Okay let's skip to you Breda!

Breda : *stops drooling and stares at Crimson* huh?

Crimson : Let's see... Oh I know! Have you every eaten something you're not supposed to? And if yes, what was it and what happened after that?

Breda : *titls head and thinks* it happens when I was still four...

Crimson : *realizes the irony and chuckles*

Ed : what's so funny?

Crimson : nothing nothing... Just keep going.

Breda : when I was four, I was playing at the park when suddenly my stomach grumbled. And that's was when I saw something lying on the grass. You... Do know what it is right?

Crimson : *mouth's wide open* wh-whose was it?

Breda : A dog's... Stupid dogs...*notices the disgusted look on Crimson face* you know what happened next... Right?

Crimson : yes just please... Stop. A-and what happened to you after that?

Breda : First, I puek everything out. Second, I fainted. Third, I woke up 3 days after the accident in the hospital. Fourth, I got traumatized by dogs. (A/N : okay I made this up... And this is so gross...)

Crimson : let's not talk about it, shall we? Now Edward... *smirks evilly* if you were gay, who would you date? Mustang or Envy?

Ed : *chokes* wh-what?! What kind of babysitter talks about gayness to 4-yearolds!?

Roy, Breda, and Falman : *ROFL, as in ROLL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. literally*

Crimson : a unique one. *smirks*

Ed : *glares* neither!

Crimson : I'm sorry but that's not in the option.

Ed : *glares daggers at Crimson* uh... Uhm... Envy! No... Mustang? No no... Uhm...

Crimson : well, make up your mind, kid!

Ed : uh... Uhm... BOTH! *eyes widen after realizing*

Everyone else : *gasps*

Crimson : E-ED! HOW COULD YOU?!

Roy : cheating on me, eh?

Ed : no! Wait, that's not what I meant!

Crimson : then what did you mean?

Ed : uh... Uhmm... *sweats* I pick Winry! *faints*

Everyone else : *stares and burst out laughing*

Breda : we got him... Wkwkwk... *laughs again*

Crimson : oh Winry should've seen this... She'll kill him *laughs* a-alright alright... Let's go to the last player, Roy!

Roy : *stops laughing* eh?

Crimson : *smirks* tell me Roy... What is Riza to you?

Roy : *tilts head* Riza? Hmm... My best friend? No wait, Maes is...

Everyone else : *stares at Roy and waits patiently for the answer*

Roy : oh I know! My sister!

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Riza : *sighes in relieve*

Roy : and...

Riza : *stiffens*

Roy : my wife to be!

Riza : *facepalms*

Audience : YEEEAAAHHH!

Crimson : *chuckles* Really? So... You have feelings for her?

Roy : yeah... By the way, where is she?

Crimson : *turns to the hidden camera inside the office* Riza? She's watching us right now.

Roy : oh? Hi Riza! *waves*

Riza : *facepalm again*

Crimson : *giggles* alright... Game time's over! I should get going!

Falman : eh? Why? We're having fun!

Crimson : *stands* Bye guys! *portal appears, snaps fingers, and steps in*

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Riza : You do realize Havoc just jumped from the 3rd floor, right?

Crimson : he'll be fine. Maybe just a couple of broken bones. And besides, I've put a trash can there. No worries.

Riza : *sighes and massages temple* and tell me, Crimson. How do they act like a child and an adult at the same time?

Crimson : simple. I messed their brains up. *smirks*

Riza : w-what?!

Crimson : I've fixed it and they should be back to normal. I hope.

Riza : *glares*

Crimson : *looks at her watch* ooh! The game made me lose track of time! Looks like this is goodbye Riza!

*portal appears right behind Riza*

Riza : Hey, Wait! *gets sucked in*

~FMA Talk Show~

Roy : *opens eyes* uurrghh... *stands up*

Ed : colonel...

Breda : uurgghh...I feel like I just got run over by a stampede...

Falman : what just happened?

Roy : the gas... The gas turned all of us into kids.

Everyone else : WHAT?!

Ed : how do you know?!

Roy : I saw a child version of you, fullmetal.

Ed : w-what?

Falman : I don't recall remembering us turned into kids...

Roy : she probably had our memories erased... Dammit...

Al : *walks into the room* Hey guys I just- *notices everyone else's mood* did I miss something?

Ed : Where were you Al?!

Al : I just went to... Never mind. So... What happened?

Breda : She turned us into kids! Can you believe that?! Kids!

Al : she?

Everyone : THE HOST!

Ed : AARRGGGHHH...! If you were here, you could've prevented this...

Al : sorry brother...

*portal appears and Riza falls into Roy's arms bridal style, while Hayate lands on the floor beside her*

Riza :Co-colonel! *blushes*

Roy : Lieutenant! *blushes*

Everyone : *stares*

*a smaller portal suddenly appears*

Crimson : I can finally see this moment! Say 'cheese'! *snaps picture*

Roy and Riza : hey!

Crimson : *chuckles* and Ed! DO NOT BLAME YOUR BROTHER!

Ed : Y-yes! Wait, why am I listening to you?!

Crimson : because you're afraid of me, dufus. Bye then! *disappears*

Roy : *quickly puts Riza down* Tell me you're alright, lieutenant.

Riza : *smiles softly* I'm alright, sir.

Roy : *sighes* what did she do this time?

Riza : it's a long and complicated story...

Roy : well you'd better start now.

*door suddenly opens*

Havoc : *notices Hawkeye with Mustang* am I interrupting something?

Everyone : *smells the stench coming from Havoc*

Breda : *pinches nose in disgust* where have you been?! From the dumpster?!

Havoc : *glares at Breda* I WAS! *removes a banana skin from his hair and sighes* I don't even know how I got there... One moment I was here trying to open the door, one moment later I was falling from the 3rd floor... The next moment I was in the dumpster! And I don't even know Central has a dumpster! *turns to a shocked Roy* Permission to shower, sir?

Roy : *stares at Havoc for awhile*...Permission granted.

Havoc : Thank you, sir. *leaves the room*

Roy : *sighes* now, about that...

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Crimson : *watches the scene from the screen with a smile* Those two makes such a good couple... I always enjoy Royai... *realizes something* oh yeah! *turns to the audience* show's over so if you guys wanna leave, it's okay...

Audience : no thanks...

Crimson : alright then, suit yourself *turns back to the screen and smiles*

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Review replies :

belle : thank you ^_^! I appreciate it very much! And I'm 13 years old, almost 14 actually.

XxcrystalzxX : really? Wkwkwkwk. Was my story that funny? Well I think you're not crazy, so don't worry!


	5. Episode 5

**Episode 5 - Envy (Congratz to Mz Homunuluz!)**

**Disclaimer : I don't own FMA or any of its characters, including other characters from other TV series. **

* * *

Crimson : *looks at ipad* okay this is... New. *turns to one of the staff* Hey you!

Staff : me?

Crimson : yeah. I want you to prepare a layer of 20 mm barrier and I want you to call The FBI, CSI, CIA, NCIS, NYPD or whatever their names are. Tell them to standby outside!

Staff : NYPD? But we're not even in New York!

Crimson : I don' care!

Staff : Yes ma'am!

Crimson : *turns to the audience* May I have your attention please?

Audience : *stops talking and turns to Crimson*

Crimson : Turns out... Our guest tonight, is dangerous... Very dangerous...

Audience : *chatter chatter*

Crimson : So, if anything bad happens, I want you all to ecape to the emergency exit ASAP. The last thing we need here is a dead body...

Staff : Crimson! The NCIS guy wants to speak to you!

Crimson : Alright, gimme the phone! *catches the phone* Hello?

Gibbs : Our men are outside and you'd better explain why the h3ll did you tell us to get here. Director Vance is not in a good mood today.

Crimson : *eyes widen* Is this Gibbs? As in, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?!

Gibbs : yep, that's me. Now answer the question.

Crimson : Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God... Alright calm down Crimson, calm down... Uh... So um... Tonight I'm inviting a very dangerous guest... The guy can kill a whole army in a heartbeat... So uh... I sorta need your help...

Gibbs : well can't you just invite someone else?!

Crimson : no can do, sir. Audience wants 'him' and I gotta do it. It's my job, and I gotta do it whether I like it or not.

Gibbs : *sighes* ...Alright, I'm sending my agents inside.

Crimson : Great! Thanks, by the way! *hangs up* This is the best day ever!

Staff : Yes... Uh... She's on the phone now... Yes, I will tell her to call you later ... Yes... Okay... *another phone rings again* hello? ? Yes? Oh she's-

Crimson : tell him I'm busy!

Staff : she's busy right now... Yes... Okay I'll tell her to call you later... Yes alright, thank you. *sighes then turns to Crimson* I'm expecting the CSIsand the CIAs to call in less than a minute. *phone rings* Tell me you're gonna pay me overtime.

Crimson : *snaps fingers* Done!

*door opens*

Tony : tell me, why are we doing this again?

Ziva : Because Gibbs said so.

Tony : And this doesn't have anything to do with the marines!

Ziva : *sighes* Just shut up and let's do our job, Tony. The sooner we finish this, the better. We have a case waitimg for us.

Tony : Right.

Crimson : *spots them and approaches them* Ziva!

Ziva and Tony : *stops talking and stares at the girl*

Crimson : Oh my God... Can you please give me your authograph? Big fan!

Ziva : uhm... Okay? *gives Crimson her autograph*

Tony : who are you?

Crimson : YEESS! *hugs the paper then turns to Tony* I'm the host here. The name's Crimson.

Tony : wait wait, you're the host? You're the one who talked to Gibbs? A kid?

Crimson : yes and yes. Now, get to your positions, I'm calling the guest after this.

Tony : *looks at Ziva*

Ziva : *smirks*

Tony : *turns back to Crimson* Hey, don't you want my authograph too?

Crimson : *turns to Tony* No. *walks back to the stage*

Ziva : *chuckles*

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

Ling : *smirks* Come to capture me?

Envy : not today. I'm just here to get him. *realizes something and smirks* But if we don't get rid of you... Gluttony! You can't eat the flame alchemist or the Elric Brothers, but you can eat the squinty eyed guy over there. Got it? Do not eat the Elrics. Squinty there is the only one edible.

Ed : oh? *Smirks* Things are looking better. Seems like they're not going after us right now.

Al : and Gluttony has calmed down somewhat!

Ling : *smirks* ...I see.

Ed : There! *transmutes the ground into a wall but stops when notices a portal appear behind Envy*

Envy : *raises eyebrow* You stopped?

Ed : *points the portal*

Envy : *notices the portal* Oh no... No no no no no no! *tries to run away but gets sucked in*

Ling : what's going on?

Ed : *hugs Al's armor and trembles* SHE TOOK ENVY! SHE TOOK IT!

Gluttony : Envy?

Ling : She?

Ed : THE HOST!

*a smaller portal appears*

Crimson : Hi!

Ed : *hugs Al's armor tighter* GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU MILK FREAK!

Al : *sighes* Brother...

Crimson : *chuckles* Silly... I'm here for Envy only. Now, you four stay here. If... IF you try to run away, you know what will happen, right Ed?

Ed : *trembles*

Crimson : And Gluttony, don't eat them yet. Okay?

Gluttony : even the squinty eyed?

Crimson :Yes, even him. You can eat them later. After I return Envy. Understand?

Gluttony : Okay...

Crimson : Good boy! Have some cake!

*cake lands on the ground*

Gluttony : *eats the cake*

Ling : can I have some cake too?

Crimson : you want one too? Alright then.

*another cake lands on the floor*

Ling : Thanks!

Crimson : You three, don't do anything stupid.

Ed and Al : Y-yes!

Ling : Yeah sure... *Munch Munch*

Crimson : Good! See you then! *portal closes*

Ling :*turns to Ed* Who is she? *Munch Munch* Man this thing tastes awesome...

Ed : Your worst nightmare...

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

*portal apperas and Envy crashes on the sofa*

Envy : ...the h3ll just happened...

Crimson : Hi there!

Envy : huh? Who are you, kid?

Tony : the guy's weird... Is he really that dangerous?

Ziva : we'll see...

Crimson : the name's Crimson and welcome to FMA Talk Show! Audience chose you to be our special guest tonight!

Envy : A Talk Show?! I'm getting outta here. *walks to the exit but gets hit by something* huh?

Crimson: Barrier.

Envy : *smirks* you think this will stop me? *transforms arm into blade*

Tony : how did he...?

Riza : get ready... *takes gun*

Envy : *thrust blade to the barrier*

Crimson : That's not going to work. Anti bullet, anti blade, anti bla bla bla... Specially made for you.

Envy : Open the barrier, girl!

Crimson : *smirks* Yeah like that's gonna happen.

Envy : Then I'll just make you! *strikes at Crimson but gets hit by the barrier again*

Crimson : the barrier surrounds you. Like and invisible dome. Oh and that includes the floor too.

Envy : *glares*

Crimson : your only ticket out of this place is by answering all of my questions. And NO LIES!

Envy : Grrrr... *keeps hitting the barrier*

Crimson : now while you do that, I'll ask questions. So Envy, how old are you?

Envy : One hundred. And. SEVENTY FIVE! *gives a final blow to the barrier*

Crimson : That's a long time. A normal person would've looked like the undead. Walking. *shivers* How do you kill time then?

Envy : Easy. Killing you filthy worthless humans always makes my day brighten up!

Crimson : Sadist... And your appearance... Did you choose that yourself?

Envy : *suddenly stops hitting the barrier and turns to Crimson* what's wrong with my look?

Crimson : I mean, look at you. Palm tree hairstyle... You could've choosen a better hairstyle that makes you look more intimidating... Like... A mohawk or something! Like that guy from Briggs!

Envy : Mohawk?! Never!

Crimson : and your clothes! A half sleeveless turtle neck... HECK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED! And that! A skirt?!

Envy : THIS IS NOT A SKIRT!

Crimson :then what is it?

Envy : it's a ... Uhm... Uh...

Crimson : see?! Even you don't know what it is!

Envy : I DO! Just give me a minute... Uh... Short Pants... With black cloth covering it! Yeah, that's it! Ha! You will never outsmart me human!

Crimson : *smirks* alright. Another question for you. Are you a male or female?

Envy : I'm-

Crimson : wait! Let me guess... Let me guess... *clutches head as if trying to read Envy's mind* Ah! You are a GIRLY BOY!

Envy : a WHAT?!

Crimson : Girly Boy! Right? Tell me it's right! Tell me it's right!

Envy : What makes you think I'm a GIRLY BOY?!

Crimson : well, you look like a boy. Like a super thin tall boy. And you wear a skirt and long palmtree-like hair, like a girl! So, I combine them both and get, GIRLY BOY!

Envy : AARRGGGHHH! Okay... Calm down Envy, calm down... How many times do I have to tell you?! First of all, THIS IS NOT A SKIRT! Second, MY HAIR DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A PALM TREE! Third, I AM AN IT! Not a she or he or transgender, or whatever they're called!

Crimson : Really? You would make a very good palm tree cosplay...

Envy : SHUDDUP HUMAN!

Crimson : No.

Envy : WHAT!?

Crimson : I'm the HOST here. I'm the one who should talk and ask you questions. So no, you can't shut me up.

Envy : GRRRRRRR...

Crimson d : So, next question-

Envy : *holds out hand, telling Crimson to be quiet* Hold it...

Crimson : *stops and stares with a smirk*

Envy : *transforms arm into blade and thrust it in the sofa* This is your neck, and I am slicing it into 2. Carry on...

Crimson : You gotta pay for that you know.

Envy : Whatever. I'll just rob a bank and kill more of you worthless species or something.

**~Meanwhile, somewhere in the forest~**

Al : *sits next to Gluttony* So, we gotta wait for her right?

Ed : *draws a doodle Crimson being attacked by a doodle dragon on the ground with a stick* Yeah...

Ling : *Munch Munch* Want some?

Ed : No thanks...

Gluttony : Can I have some?

Ling : Sure! *Gives a slice to Gluttony* Here you go!

Gluttony : *gobbles gobbles*

Ling : So... *Munch* This chick... What does she look like? She pretty?

Ed : *shivers then smirks* Oh! She's got 2 horns on her head and got a super sharp nlack tail sticking on her butt. And whenever she snaps her fingers, it's the end of the world!

Ling : *stares at Ed* So... She's like a demon or something?

Al : Brother, remember the last time you insulted her?

Ed : *freezes* Oh no...

*portal appears and a table crashes on top of him*

Crimson : TAKE HIM TO THE FOREST MY TABLE! GO!

*table drags him to the forest*

Ed : AAALLLLLLLLLL!

Al : *sighes* Coming... *leaves*

Ling : *sweatdrops then turns to Gluttony* Want some more?

~Back to the studio~

Crimson : That! Is for misbehaving fullmetal pipsquek! Feel MY WRATH! *laughs like an evil maniac*

Envy : *sweatdrops*

Crimson : *clears throat* Alright. Hmmm... where were we... oh right! Next question. Which do you prefer, being male or female? Or maybe even animals. You know, since you can turn into anything.

Envy : Hmm... Depends the situation. For fun, I'd rather turn into a female or someone's lover. So I'm like 'Oh hi Darling!' And he's like 'oh sweetie I misss you' and then he turns around and I'm like turning my arm into a blade and stab him. And then he's surprised and turn around and like 'W-why?' And I'm like putting this super evil grin and stab him until he die or slice him into 2 or something.

Crimson : ...Okay.

Envy : For transportation and escaping, I prefer animals especially dogs. Since I know you humans consider them as 'innocent creatures' and some even say they're men's best friends.

Crimson : I get it... And have you ever transformed into a non-living object?

Envy :*sits on the broken sofa without even realizing* ...Yes. But not too often. For emergencies only, or when someone asked me too.

Crimson : like what?

Envy : like last time Lust asked me to turn into a nail clipper and some other things I don't even know exist.

Crimson : a nail clipper?

Envy : Lust always manicures her nails. She says it would sharpen the blades but I doubt it. I think she 's d oing it for fun.

Crimson : Looks like some of the homunculus' do care about their appearances... Unlike you.

Envy : *twitches*

Crimson : Would you mind demonstrating?

Envy : Demonstrating?

Crimson : Yes, hmm... Let me read this article. According to the FMA Book of World Records, the fastest shapeshifter is another homunculus. It transformed into 10 men, 8 women, and 9 animals in 30 seconds! Wow that's fast. You think you can break it?

Envy : Challenge accepted!

Crimson : Alright then. *stands up and poses* TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!

*lights turn off except for the one above a Crimson*

Crimson : *takes a microphone* Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome, to FMA Talk Show!

Audience : YEAAAHHH!

Crimson : Tonight, a special guest shall entertain you tonight! Everyone! Let's give an applause for our favorite homunculus... Envy!

*lights above Envy turn on*

Audience : *clap their hands*

Crimson : Now, I'm sure you've known the infamous FMA Book of World Records. According to it, the fastest shapshifter transformed into 10 men, 8 women and 9 animals in 30 seconds! Tonight, our guest shall break the record! Do you think Envy can do it?!

Audience : YES!

Crimson : DO YOU THINK ENVY CAN DO IT?!

Audience : YEEESSSSS!

Crimson : *turns to Envy* You got a lot of fans there.

Envy : *smirks*

Crimson : Alright then! *snaps fingers*

*screen turns into a giant stopwatch*

Crimson : *turns to Envy* Ready?

Envy : Ready!

Crimson : *turns to the audience* Count with me! 3!

Audience : 2!

Crimson : 1!

Audience : GGGOOOOO!

Envy : *starts transforming into random people*

Audience : *keeps cheering Envy*'

Crimson : (A/N : These are then people/things that Envy transforms into) Roy Mustang! Major Armstrong! Justin Bieber! Wait, how does it know Justin?! Uhm... Never mind. Riza Hawkeye! Lan Fan! Bruce Willis! (How is this even possible?) Taylor Swift! Barack Obama! Izumi Curtis! Edward Elric!

*alarma rings*

Crimson : 10 seconds! Uh... Harry Potter! Ron Weasly! Hermione Granger! Winry Rockbell! Alphonse Elric! Ling Yao! Naruto! Pikachu! Batman! Optimus Prime! Tarantula! Cheetah! T-Rex! T-Rex?!

*floor starts to crack due to the weight*

Crimson : Change into something else! Something else! 25 seconds! 5 more to break the record! Come on!

Envy : Fine! *changes into Kimblee*

Crimson : Kimblee! Abominable Snowman! Scar!

Audience : 3!

Crimson : Mickey Mouse! 1 more!

Audience : 2!

Envy : To what?! I don't know anymore!

Crimson : I don't know anything!

Audience : 1...!

Envy : Uh... *transforms into something farrrrr from what expected*

Everyone : *stares with wide eyed*

*alarma rings but everyone ignores it*

Crimson : S-Seriously, Envy?! You chose that for your last transformation?

Envy : *blushes* Shut up! I ran out of ideas!

Crimson : From all of the things in these world... You chose Barbie?

Envy : At least I broke the record!

Crimson : *sighes* Yeah, you broke the record by one... *eyes widen* HEY EVERYONE! Envy broke the record!

Person 1 : Oh yeah, Envy did break the record!

Person 2 : It broke the record!

Person 3 : Envy broke it! It did it! It did it!

Audience : *starts cheering and throwing roses at the stage* WOOO HOOO!

Crimson : *turns to Envy* Congratulations! Uh... And please change into something else... It's too... Disturbing.

Envy : What's wrong with Barbies?

Crimson : ...just, change into something else.

Envy : *gets an idea and transforms into Crimson*

Crimson : By, anyone else I didn't mean 'Me'!

Envy : *copies what Crimson says* By, anyone else I didn't mean 'Me'!

Crimson : That's my line!

Envy : That's my line!

Crimson : Change back to your form, Envy!

Envy : Change back to your form, Envy!

Crimson : *glares at Envy* You don't wanna play this 'game' with me.

Envy : *copies what Crimson does* You don't wanna play this 'game' with me.

Crimson : Fine! You ask for it! *clears throat* The Newton First Law states that every object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. While the second one explains how the velocity of an object changes when it is subjected to an external force. And the last one states that for every action or force in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Ha! Copy that!

Envy : *smirks* Fine! You ask for it! *clears throat* The Newton First Law states that every object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. While the second one explains how the velocity of an object changes when it is subjected to an external force. And the last one states that for every action or force in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Ha! Copy that!

Crimson : You... Fine! You wanna stay in that form, fine! Let's just continue the show. *starts muttering curses then calms down*

Envy : *smiles in victory*

Crimson : huft... Alright. So, Lust is your closest sibling, correct?

Envy : Yeah I guess you could say that. Pride and Wrath are too busy busy. Gluttony always wants to eat something and Sloth is too lazy to chat and Greed's gone. So that only leaves Lust... *frowns then stares at the floor* Until she died...

Crimson : ... You miss her, don't you?

Envy : Of course I do! She's the only-...

Crimson : Friend you've got... I know.

Envy : Dammit... Why am I even talking about this...

Crimson : Envy... Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I pity you. The world's such an odd place, you know that!?

Envy : What are you suggesting?

Crimson : You , need companionship. A friend.

Envy : *glares at Crimson* No, I don't.

Crimson : Yes you do! Maybe...If you just side with the humans, they'll-

Envy : I will NEVER side with you! NEVER!

Crimson :Suit yourself then...By the way, there's something I've been wanting to show you...

Envy : what is it?

Crimson : hold on... Let me play it... *presses something on ipad*

*screen turns on and plays a video*

Envy : what is this?

Crimson : it's FMA Chibi Party!

Envy : a what?

Crimson : just... Watch the video.

*a few minutes later*

Crimson : *pauses the video and points to the green dragon* that's you!

Envy : but I've never turned into a green dragon before.

Crimson : oh that's because this is after the movie Conqueror of Shamballa! And since it's based on the 2003 FMA instead of the 2009's, you basically don't understand a thing! (A/N : anyway, I realized that the japanese-dub and eng-dub are a little bit different. Since I don't know which one is right, I decided to use the japanese-dub with an english subtitle)

Envy : Okay you lost me there...

Crimson : *sighes* keep watching...

_Envy : Sorry but this poster is wrong. _

_Havoc : *grumbles something* _

_Envy : Oh right! *pulls down zipper and gets out of costume in slow motion* Ahhhh...! _

_Everyone else : *shocks* _

Envy : *mouth's wide agape*

_Envy : *stands shyly and blushes* It was hot in there! _

_Ed : *rushes to Envy* Envy! So it was you in there? _

_Envy : Who else would it be?*sobs* Even knowing it was me, Edward still purposely punched me! It hurts so much! _

Crimson : *pauses the video and smirks* You know, you're like 180 degrees different here.

Envy : that... That... That's NOT me!

Crimson : yes he is! He is definitely you! Well maybe the feminime side of you...

Envy : I AM NOT FEMINIME!

*after several events later*

_Envy : *holds the microphone and walks to a table with Izumi, Hohenheim, Wrath (2003), and some other guys* Anyway... Wow, you guys over there are really being quiet. _

_Ed : Hey, Heiderich! _

_Ed and Alfons : *starts chatting* _

_Envy : *watches them chat* _

Envy : that CAN'T be me! I'm supposed to be killing them, not chatting along with them!

Crimson : but he is you. I mean, only you wear that kind of clothing...

Envy : IT IS NOT! AND MOST OF ALL, I DO NOT BLUSH! I DON'T BLUSH! AAARRGGHHHH! *turns into the T-Rex and breaks the barrier with its tail*

Crimson : *shock* h-how did you...?

Envy : *glares at Crimson* hehehe... I got you now, little girl...

Crimson : GYYAAAAHHH! *runs away before Envy crushes the table with its fangs*

Ziva : FREEZE! NCIS! *points gun at Envy*

Envy : don't you tell me what to do humans!

Ziva and Tony : *starts shooting*

Crimson : *turns quickly to the camera and forces a smile* uhm... Looks like our show will end here tonight... Uhm, let's just hope the guys manages to hold him off before he split Earth into two... So uhm, see you next time? Maybe?

Envy : GET BACK HERE GIRL!

Crimson : RUN RUN RUN RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYONE!

Audience : *screams while running away*

*BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP*

SERVER LOST DUE TO COMMUNICATION FAILURE

**~4 Hours Later~ **

Ed : *sits on the table with broken limbs* WHERE IS THAT STUPID HOST?!

Brother : Brother, calm down! Maybe, she's just busy...

Ed : It didn't take this long when I was called! *flips over the table*

Ling : Calm down Ed...

Ed : I hate waiting! It's boring!

Gluttony : Can I eat you now?

Everyone else : NO!

Gluttony : okay.

Ling : well what do you want to do? Play a game or something?

Ed : *stares at Ling then smirks* Oh I have a good idea... Let's play 'Drag Ling with a Table' game. *cracks knuckles*

Ling : *gulps* Ed... This isn't funny... Ed, Edward! *runs away*

Ed : *throws the table at Ling*

Ling : I TAKE BACK MY WORDS! GYAAAHHH!

**~FMA Talk Show~**

**Review Replies :**

**Mz Homunculuz**: Torturing Ed is fun! Here you go. An interview with Envy! I hope you like it!

**TruthsMessage** : You must be an EdWin fan, I take it? Me too! We all know that they're meant to be together. And about Ling Yao... Well someone else has reviewed before you. Perhaps, this chapter?


	6. Episode 6

**Episode 6 - Ling Yao (Congrats to TruthsMessage!) **

**Disclaimer : I own nothing! **

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

*portal appears*

Greed : *Crashes on the sofa* Owww...

Crimson : Hey, Ling!

Greed : It's GREED! Geesh, why do people always call me that?

Crimson : Greed? Oh you guys have merged already?

Greed : Yes!

Crimson : oh...

Greed : Wait.. You... Aren't you the kid that took Envy?

Crimson : hmm? yeah. Why?

Greed : He said he'd hunt you down... Heh...You really pissed him off kid... Huh? What's that?... Ling said Ed threw a table at him because of you... He said he'll forgive you if you give him some more of that cake.

Crimson : Ran out of it. Though we have something else in the menu. Did Envy tell you what happen?

Greed : Nope. Didn't wanna talk about it. *looks around* And what's with this place? I thought you need a studio.

Crimson : *frowns* Well thanks to Envy, our studio was destroyed into rubbles...

Greed : *raises eyebrow* What happened?

Crimson : Oh everything was fine... The guys manage to hold Envy off until everyone evacuated the building. And then he decided to go King Kong and grabbed the producer then climbed the highest building in town and threw him away! Then the US Air Force decided to join the party and shot a tranquilizer. Like a super big injection sticking on his butt. Then he fell on the studio and crashed the roof.

Greed : So the producer's dead?

Crimson : Magically, he lives! I don't even know how though. *Smiles* I mean, if he died then I could get full control of the show which is good- Pretend you never heard that! *whipers* He'll fire me!

Greed : And why'd you choose this place for the next show?

Crimson : Well we decided to use the undeground sewers right beneath the studio. We cleaned the place up and we had even set up the stage. That is until the giant... Sewer... *twitches* crocodile decides to have a buffet there... If you know what I mean... Now we're in an abandoned school about a mile away form the studio.

Greed : They're real?

Crimson : They. Are. Real. *mood changes* Let's just stop talking about flesh eating giant lizards, shall we? Now Greed, switch to Ling for 2 hours!

Greed : Eh? Why should I?

Crimson : Because... I ask you to?

Greed : Hmph! The world's not that simple kid. People don't jus do what you ask them to. Why don't you interview me instead?

Crimson : You'll get your turn later. Now switch to Ling!

Greed : Yeah right.

Crimson : *narrows eyes* Hmm... You don't hurt women right?

Greed : I'm not interested in hurting women.

Crimson : Good good... Rub this for me. *throws a magical genie lamp to Greed*

Greed : What is this?

Crimson : A gift!

Greed : Gift? *examines the lamp*

Crimson : Yeah, take it!

Greed : Uh... Thanks? *accidently stroke the lamp*

*lamp starts to shake violently*

Greed : *drops the lamp* What's in that thing?!

Crimson : You.

*smokes starts to emit from the lamp and surrounds Greed*

Greed : YOU TRICKED ME?! *gets sucked inside the lamp and leaves a bewildered Ling on the couch*

Crimson : *takes the lamp and put it on the table* Now be nice, Greed. Maybe I'll be generous enough to wish you back to Ling's body , instead of using up my 3 wishes on something useless.

Greed : GET ME OUT OF HERE! NOW!

Crimson : *yawns* I'll deal with you later. *grabs the lamp and throws it into a drawer* That'll do.

Ling : *rubs head* What just happened?

Crimson : Nothing important. Here's the menu book by the way. *throws the menu book to Ling*

Ling : Good! Cause I'm starving! *takes the menu book and starts reading*' I'll have 5 pieces of chicken drumsticks, 2 bowls of Hong Kong noodles... Chicken Cordon Blue and T-Bone Stick... Whatever that is... Hmm... Orange Juice would be nice too... Oh! This 'Pizza' thing looks delicious! I'll have that one too! And for dessert... I'll have a double scoop... Uh... Chocolate Chip and Strawberry! *closes the menu book and throws it away*

Crimson : *writes everything down and gives it to the staff* So,Ling... You are 15?

Ling : Yeap!

Crimson : and you're already looking for the Emperor's throne! Isn't that a little too much for such a young age?

Ling : and you're already pissing off one of the most dangerous homunculus alive!

Crimson : *narrows eyes* I suppose you're right. Age doesn't really matter anymore, does it.

Ling : Nope. There's a kid from the Chang clan, younger than me, also aiming for the throne!

Crimson : You mean Mei Chang?

Ling : Yeah, I think it's her.

Crimson : And the reason?

Ling : Well the current's Emperor's sick and he's dying and everyone really wants his throne. So most of the clans set out their representatives to impress the emperor. And you know, immortality impresses everyone!

Crimson : I get it...

*chefs walk onto the stage and put food in front of Ling*

Ling : *drools and grabs a spoon and a fork* Can I?

Crimson : Dig in!

Ling : *starts gobbling food* Mmmm... Mmm! This tastes great! What is this thing?

Crimson : Pizza!

Ling : *Munch Munch* Mmmppfff... Never had anything like this since Greed took over my body... *turns to the chefs* Oh I know! You guys should work with me! And we can avoid blowing up the royal kitchen again!

Crimson : *gets annoyed* Don't bargain with the chefs, Ling! We're running out of staffs! And blowing up the royal kitchen?

Ling : Mmm? Yeah. Happened two years ago when I ordered too much food and decided to cook them myself.

Chef : *gaps* YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH OUR KITCHEN! *runs back to the kitchen*

Ling : Don't worry. They put extra guards there now.

Crimson : *sweatdrops*Alright uh... Back to business. Have you ever felt being a burden to Ed? I mean you've been wasting a lot of his money for your personal... Needs.

Ling : Eh? Like what?

Crimson : Well... *pulls out a piece of paper* Says here you wasted $150 on your encounter in Rush Valley. Also another 100 bucks for the room service that you ordered. This doesn't include the mess your ninjas made in Rush Valley.

Ling : Nah... Ed's cool with it. He would've shoved the bill into my mouth if he weren't.

Crimson : *sweatdrops* (Such ignorants...)

Ling : Where'd you get that anyway?

Crimson : Oh, our staff managed to tape the bills back together after Ed tore them into like million pieces. He was quite pissed off.

Ling : It's no big deal. I'll pay him back once I become Emperor.

Crimson : *sighes*. Don't you feel that your dignity as a prince is crumbling down? You're a prince and you don't have any cash!

Ling : *tilts head* Nope.

Crimson : (I can't believe this kind of guy is going to be the future Emperor of Xing)

Ling : Besides, when I become the Emperor, people will make bupiographies of me. Good stories attract good readers! Example, 'The new Emperor of Xing, Ling Yao, used to harass a state alchemist's financial so that he could survive!' Or 'A state alchemist fed the emperor with a boot!'. Also, 'The Emperor's guards played a game of tag with a state alchemist and ended up destroying half of the city!'

Crimson : Well now that you put it that way, it doesn't seem so bad...

Ling : That's because it's not!

Crimson : *facepalms* ...Anyway, I've never been to Xing before. What's it like?

Ling : It's a good and large country. Filled with good... Food... *drools*

Crimson : And the goverment?

Ling : Monarchy.

Crimson : Mmm... Somehow your country reminds me of Chi-

Ling : Chi?

Crimson : Chi...chi

Ling : Xing reminds you of... Chi?

Crimson : uh... Uhm... 我 要 吃 青菜! (I want to eat Vegetables) *snaps fingers and a bowl of begetables appears*

Ling : 星交? (You can speak Xingeese too?)

Crimson : 一 点 点 (A little bit)... Hehehehe... Okay screw it. I don't know what I'm gonna say after this. Chi-Xingese is hard...

Ling : Alright alright... *continues eating the remaining food* What is this called?

Crimson : T-Bone steak.

Ling : I'm gonna have to memorize the names of the food here... So that I can order the chefs at Xing to make this.

Crimson : Hey Ling...

Ling : mmm?

Crimson : You have that special skill to sense stuff..What was it called..?

Ling : You mean dragon pulse?

Crimson : yeah that! Can you explain what it is and what does it do?

Ling : Well it's kinda complicated, but I bet Lan Fan or Fu can explain it!

Crimson : Lan Fan or Fu eh? If I'm not wrong Lan Fan is still recovering from the automail surgery... Meh but who cares?! Let's call them! *snaps fingers*

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

Dr Knox : Here's some cloth-!

Fu : Lan Fan, don't let go!

Lan Fan : *gasps* Grandfather! *gets sucked into the portal*

Fu : Lan Fan! *jumps into the portal*

*portal closes*

Dr Knox : *drops the clothes and stares with mouth agape*

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

Ling : *Munch Munch Munch*

Lan Fan : AAAAAHHH! *sees Ling* Young Lord!

Ling : Eh? Lan—!

Lan Fan : *crashes on top of Ling*

Fu : Oooh! *crashes on top of Lan Fan*

Crimson : oooh... That must've hurt a lot.

Lan Fan : *gasps* Young Lord! I-I didn't mean to! *quickly gets of Ling*

Ling : ... It's okay... *turns to Crimson* Hey at least warn me first... Now I got noodles on my hair...

Lan Fan : Is this really you, young lord? Edward said you're—

Ling : A homunculus? Well yeah. Until she extracted him out... *points to Crimson*

Crimson : Yo!

Fu : Oh? And who might you be, lady?

Crimson : The name's Crimson. I'm the host here and welcome to FMA Talk Show!

Lan Fan : Talk... Show?

Crimson : Just answer some of my questions and you may leave. Got it?

Lan Fan and Fu : ...

Ling : Oh yeah, she asked about Dragon Pulse. Can you explain it to her?

Fu : hmm?Of course. Dragon Pulse is the life energy that flows within the Earth and every life-form. It's like blood flowing in your veins.

Crimson : And you three use this Dragon Pulse to sense people's Chi, right?

Lan Fan : Yes, that's right...

Crimson : Tell me, do people's chi change when they lie?

Fu : *blinks* Excuse me?

Crimson : Well you know... Like maybe their chi will be disturbed when they lie?

Fun : *looks at Lan Fan and Ling* I guess so..?

Crimson : So if I hire you guys in the show as a lie detector, you'd do a good job, right?

Lan Fan and Fu : *sweatdrops*

Fu : So you called us here... To offer us jobs?

Crimson : No... Well yeah maybe.. Would you? I mean, it's gonna come in handy when I ask the homunculus or the military guys...

Lan Fan : *glares* We already have a job.

Crimson : Eh? Alright... How bout we make a deal. Free food for each episode. How's that? *smirks*

Ling : *freezes* Fooooodddd...*drools* DEALLL!

Crimson : Heh. Thought so. *pulls out a contract* Sign this!

Lan Fan : Young Lord! Shouldn't you at least think this through?! We don't know how many episodes she'll be making!

Crimson : Don't worry. I'll call you when it's necessary only. Some people don't mind spilling their secrets.

Ling : *signs the contract* Here!

Crimson : Great! Now, back to the show. Ling, since you'll be the future emperor, what bad things's you'll expect to happen?

Ling : Hmmm? Well I've never really thought of that. Let's see... I'm sure they'll be lots of work to do, especially paperwork... And also lots of assassination... But that shouldn't be a bother since I have Lan Fan and Fu to protect me!

Lan Fan : *blushes* Th-thank you...

Crimson : *smirks* Hmm.. By the way, there's a question I've been wanting to ask you... Who'll be your future queen, hmm?

Ling : Good question... *rubs chin* ...I have no idea...

Crimson : *facepalm* Well you should choose fast y'know... You don't wanna be single forever right?

Ling : Just... Give me a minute... Mmmm...

Crimson : I have a suggestion for you... Wanna know?

Ling : Who?

Crimson : Alright... Let me give you a clue. Her name starts with L.

Ling : L?

Crimson : That's right.

Ling : Give me more clues!

Crimson : Alright... She's been with you for a loooong loooooong time... And you know her very well.

Lan Fan : *raises eyebrow*

Ling : She... Aha! She's— Hmmm... She could be anyone.

Crimson : *sighes* Men... Alright... She's got black hair and she's very fast.

Lan Fan : *eyes wide then blushes*

Ling : Mmmm... Hmmm... Mmm...

~Days pass~

Ling : mmmmm... No... Can't be her...

~Months pass~

Ling : ...

~Years pass~

Ling : ...

Greed : THAT'S IT! How long are you gonna keep us waiting, shrimp head?!

Crimson : *opens the drawer and takes the magical lamp* Oh? So you've been listening all this time?

Greed : Well of course I have! This stupid lamp is NOT keeping me away from the outside world.

Crimson : *chuckles* Right right. *turns to Ling* You haven't found out yet?

Ling : ...No...

Crimson : *sweatdrops* You really are a shrimp head.

Greed : Goodness sake. It's that WOMAN SITTING BESIDE YOU!

Ling : Eh? You mean Lan Fan?

Audience : YES!

Crimson : Shrimp head...

Ling : *turns to Lan Fan and blushes* Well...

Lan Fan : *covers face with mask*

Crimson : See? You make a great couple already.

Ling : Well uh...

Lan Fan : I—I...

Ling : We still have problems to deal with y'know.

Crimson : Such as?

Ling : *points to the magical lamp*

Crimson : Good point. Alright then. After everything is over... The father and save the whole country problem, I'll arrange your marriage. Just call me, okay?

Ling : *blushes* I'll think about it...

Crimson : Alright alright. Just don't forget to invite me. *looks at the clock* Oh my! Look at the time! Time for you to go!

Fu : Wait young lord! Before you go, might as inform us Father's—

Crimson : Whoops! Sorry but I can't let you know that! Can't let you ruin the whole story, can I? *smirks* Bye! *throws the magical lamp to Ling and presses button*

*portal opens and sucks everyone in*

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Greed : *crashes on top of Envy* Oww...

Envy : Hey! Get off me Greed!

Greed : Alright alright geeshh... *stands up*

Envy : Hmph! *notices the portal* You... You got...? Her?

Greed : *shrugs* Yeah... Well no. She wanted Ling.

Envy : Oh. What questions did she ask him then?

Greed : It's a long story. *Sighes* By the way... *smirks* She told me what happened to you last time.

Envy : Sh-she she what?!

Greed : Envy got tranquilized and—

Envy : SHUDDUP! I'm gonna get her for this! And don't you dare tell the others! Especially father!

Greed : Oh? You're afraid?

Envy : No I'm not— It's just— GAAAHHH! I'm gonna look for that little runt and torture her for the rest of her life! *leaves the room*

Greed : *laughs and walks away* Maybe she's not ao bad after all.

**~FMA Talk Show~**

Ed : Eh? Whaddya mean they're gone?

Dr Knox : There was a hole and sucked them in!

Al : Oh... It's her again.

Ed : *Hugs Al's armor*

*portal opens*

Lan Fan and Fu : *crashes on the bed*

Ed : *sighes* At least she didn't drop anything on me...

Crimson : That's right! So you'd better behave next time pipsqueak!

Ed : Why you— WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO—

Crimson : You.

Ed : I HAVEN'T EVEN—

Crimson : Bye! *portal closes*

Ed : WHY YOU! *slams the door open* I'M GONNA HUNT HER DOWN AND MAKE HER LIFE MISREABLE FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!

Al : *sweatdrops* Eh... Brother..

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

Crimson : *chuckles* Challenge accepted. *smirks then turns to the audience* Alright! That's all for tonight folks! And I hope to see you next time! Bye! *waves*

**~FMA Talk Show~ **

**ZakuroU : You're welcome! And thank you for reviewing! **

**Mz Homunculuz : Wkwkwk! I'm glad you like it! And thanks for reviewing! **


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